Ash goes Horcrux Hunting
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Complete seventh story. Ash teams up with Harry and friends again, but this time Vampire Hunter D is with them. Psuedo sequel to Harry Potter meets Ash. Please R&R.
1. Bodyguards

Bodyguards

Author's note: I do not own Harry Potter, Vampire Hunter D, or Evil Dead. They are the property of their respective owners. Also I don't know the geography of Harry Potter's world very well so I am making it up.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were curious. Dumbledore had just pulled them out of Potions and they couldn't figure out why. As they made their way to his office Dumbledore appeared in front of them. "Ah, there you are. I pulled you three out of class because I have a very dangerous mission for you to complete. Apparently Voldermort is planning a major strike on our world so I'm going to send you three to get his Horcruxes and stop him, lemon drop?" Dumbledore said.

"Err…no thanks Headmaster. Why are you sending us?" Harry asked.

"Well Mr. Potter, you three have the best chance of success in this mission. If I went Voldemort would know and then strike the school, which I cannot allow. Don't worry, I've procured some bodyguards for you. They are the best of the best. They should be in my office right now." Dumbledore replied, opening the door to his office.

There was a familiar man in the office. "Hey kiddos, remember me?" said a voice in a smug tone which the trio would never forget.

"Hello, Ash. Um, why are you here again?" Hermione said.

"Well, Shorty, Gramps here told me about this mission your going on and I didn't have anything else to do so I was in." Ash said, coming up to Hermione. He took her hand and kissed it.

"She's spoken for, remember?" Ron said between clenched teeth.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Red. She's not my type." Ash smiled. "You guys ready to go save the world?" The three looked at each other warily.

"Where is the second bodyguard, Headmaster?" Hermione asked.

"I've been here the entire time." A voice said in a tone like steel. Stepping out of the shadows came the most gorgeous young man Hermione had ever seen. He looked like God Himself had made him His most perfect creation. He had a long sword strapped to his back, limning in a graceful curve. Around his neck hung a blue pendant and he was dressed in black with an odd hat on his head. "I'm D, the Hunter."

Ash turned to Ron and whispered "I don't think your girlfriend is going to be yours for long when a guy like that's around, Red."

D turned to Ash and held out his left hand. The hand suddenly became a face with tiny eyes and a mouth. "Hello there, I'm Left Hand but you can call me Lefty."

Ash stood there dumbfounded. "What the hell kind of freak are you buddy?"

"This coming from a guy who has a chainsaw for a right hand." Lefty said, chuckling.

"I'm going to start calling you Stumpy if you don't shut the hell up." Ash yelled into Left Hand's face.

"That's enough." D's voice cut through the argument. "I apologize, he can be annoying but valuable."

"Okay, well just tell him to shut up around me." Ash said. He then turned to the kids. "Okay these guys are Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Or as I like to call them Four eyes, Red, and Shorty. And I'm Ash Willams, Housewares."

"One more thing about me that you should know, I'm a dhampir or a half human, half vampire." D said.

Dumbledore took note of the shocked expressions on the four friends faces. "Rest assured that D here has the most incredible self control of anyone I've ever met."

"Look Dr. Phil, self controls all fine and dandy but that won't be any comfort to me when we're out there fighting who knows what and Mr. Fancypants here decides he wants a snack." Ash said, glaring at D.

"Mr. Willams, I can assure you that nothing will happen to you because of D." Dumbledore said, ushering them out of his office. "I've arranged horses for your journey as Voldemort would be aware of your prescense if you flew or Apparated."

Dumbledore led them to the courtyard. There were five horses waiting for them, among these there was one that looked like a cyborg horse. It was huge and black. All of the horses were laden with supplies. D went to his horse and checked his bags. Everything was in order. Dumbledore gave each of them a map and then he turned to Ash. "Now Mr. Willams at the first Horcrux location there is a graveyard and you need to recite certain words to take the Horcrux from this area. The words are Kanda Brisco Nicto."

"Kanda Brisco Nicto." Ash repeated.

"Now again."

"I got it, I got it. Just so you know Gramps I happen to be an expert at this mystic word crap."

"Very well, then I wish you all godspeed and good luck." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. The companions all left heading towards the Forbidden Forest as the sun sank low in the west.

Ash was excited. Ever since he got back home his life had been very boring. He used to love working at S-mart but it had gotten motonous. Then Gramps had contacted him for this mission. _Now this will be fun._ Ash thought. He decided to name his horse Comet after a horse on some Tv show he had seen back home. He had his boomstick, his chainsaw, and there were no Deadites around. Life was sweet.

D was scouting ahead of the group. He wasn't happy or excited or anything. This was just another battle in a life filled with them. Left Hand was upset with Ash and D couldn't blame him, the man was arrogant and a loud mouth. But D had met worse on his travels.

"I swear that overgrown snot nosed punk is so annoying." Lefty said.

"I think you two got along well. And anyway now you know how I feel about you." D said.

"But I don't act like I'm Mr. Perfect or swagger about." Lefty replied.

"You can't even if you wanted to." D smiled wryly.

"Changing the topic, how about that girl with us, eh?" Left Hand said.

"Be quiet. You never did know when to shut up." D said.

"C'mon you're tempted. I know you, I mean there isn't a woman in the world who wouldn't bare her throat to you." The hand wheezed.

D didn't reply. Instead he squeezed his hand until cries of pain could be heard. Wheeling his horse around to the others D said "This is a good spot to rest as any."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione started a fire with their wands. D was hunting for food and Ash was taking wood from the forest. Ron and Hermione went to one side of the campfire and summoned a tent. Ash came up to Harry. "Hey Four eyes, what's going on?" Ash said.

"I just feel like I'm left out all the time." Harry said, pointing to the tent.

"Hey, don't turn into angst boy on me here. I mean those two have a pretty deep relationship going on but that's no reason to sit here and act like the poster child for antidepressants. Think how they must feel. I mean you're the Chosen One. You get all the attention and they're the sidekicks. But don't worry, I'm a chosen one too and we have to stick together." Ash said.

"Guess you're right." Harry said.

"Of course I am. Now let's get some shut eye." Ash said, moving to one side of the campfire.

"Ash, I could conjure a tent for you." Harry said.

"No thanks, ever since that night in the cabin I can't be in a house or tent in the woods." Ash said.

Harry summoned a tent, went in, and slept.

Ron was confused. He didn't know how he was going to be any help on this mission. He wasn't a gifted wizard, he was average. The only thing he was good at was chess and that most likely would not help any of them. He turned to Hermione.

"Hey, Mione?"

"Yes Ron?"

"What am I doing here? I mean I'm not good at anything. Not like you or Harry. I'm just extra baggage."

Hermione looked Ron in the face. Her brown eyes were soft and kind. "Now Ronald, don't go acting worthless in front of me. I know that you are a great wizard and your always there for your friends. I mean we have Ash with us and if that macho jerk is here then you belong here as well." Hermione smiled at Ron.

"I guess your right, Mione, as usual. Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight." Hermione said, snuggling into Ron's arms.

The next day Ash, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were riding along and D was scouting ahead. The forest was dense and they couldn't see very far ahead. Suddendly they heard rustiling all around them. Then they were surrounded by thirty creatures. They were garbed in loincloths and had flint spears in their hands. They were elves. Hermione, as the head of S.P.E.W., tried to talk the elves into letting the party pass through. Ash got pissed. "Okay Shorty, you've had your turn. Now it's mine." Ash got off his horse and looked around at the elves. "Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up!" Ash withdrew his shotgun from his back holster. "See this? This is my BOOMSTICK!" Ash fired off a round into the air. The elves were shaking with fear. "It's a 12 gauge double barrled Remington. S-mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids,Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, colbalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart, you got that! Now I swear the next one of you primates even touches me…Yeah!!" Ash screamed, firing his boomstick again. All the elves scattered to the winds. "That's how you deal with primitives." Ash said, coming up to Hermione.

"Ashley, you bloody git! If you used your head more than your gun maybe you wouldn't get hurt so much." Hermione screamed, poking Ash in the chest.

Ash caught her hand. "First off Shorty, no one and I mean no one can call me Ashley except for Cheryl and she's dead. Second, I can do whatever the hell I please if I need to survive." Ash turned away, his eyes reflecting deep pain and anger.

Hermione stormed off, confused. Ron and Harry just stood there gaping. D came back and saw them standing there. "What happened?" D asked.

"We were surrounded by primitives but don't worry your pretty little head, I scared them off." Ash said.

"Yeah, one look at your face and I'd be scared too." Left Hand remarked.

"Will you tell that little bastard to shut up!" Ash yelled.

Left Hand went dormant. D turned to Harry and Ron. "Where's the girl?"

"I'm here, D." Hermione said, coming out of the woods. "I just had to blow off some steam." Hermione looked at Ash and started to say something but then they moved out.

At the campfire that night, Ash was sitting alone thinking of Cheryl, his little sister. Having to kill her was just as bad as killing Linda. Ash took out the necklace he gave to Linda and thought about both of them. He looked up when he heard someone approaching. Hermione came up to him and sat down. "Ash, I'm sorry for what I said back there, I didn't mean to cause you anymore pain." Hermione said.

"I'm sorry too Shorty. It's just you remind me so much of Cheryl, always bossing me around and thinking she knew more than I did. I hated it when people called me Ashley but I let her do it because hey, she was my sister. I only told you about Linda before but the truth was there were others up there in the cabin. Cheryl tried to warn us but by then it was too late. Do you know what it's like having to kill your best friend and your sister? I felt like I was killing part of myself when I killed them." Ash looked into the fire as he confessed this to Hermione. She was silent and hugged him. Ash pulled her to him. They stayed there for a little bit and then Ron walked up to the fire.

"Thanks Hermione, I needed that. And don't worry Red, I'm not taking your girl, she was just helping me get some closure. Catch ya later, babe." Ash said pecking Hermione on the cheek and going to bed instantly.

Hermione blushed when she heard Ash say Ron's nickname. "Don't worry Mione, I know you don't love that guy. You were just helping him out."

"I never knew he had a sister. He may act all tough on the outside but he's hurting like crazy on the inside. It's a wonder he can even go on living." Hermione said.

"Ash is a survivor. He always overcomes whatever is thrown at him. Anyway, I'll try and not be so jealous. I just don't want to lose you now that we've found each other." Ron said.

"Don't worry about that, darling." Hermione said.

Ron smiled as they went to sleep.

On the third day of their journey the graveyard was finally in sight. It was a decrepit graveyard with headstones decaying and weeds covering the ground. A rusty fence covered the grounds. It looked as if the dead did not rest in peace here. The party members went to the center of the graveyard and saw the Horcrux on a pedestal. It was a book. Ash approached the pedestal.

"I hope you remembered the words, Ash." Harry said.

"Don't worry Four eyes, I've got it." Ash said. He grabbed the book and said Kanda Brisco N-, I know it stated with an N." Ash smiled. The others all groaned. "I've got it. Kanda Brisco Nicoughcough!!" Ash stopped and looked around. Seeing nothing amiss he grabbed the Horcrux. "See guys nothing to worry about." Just then the ground split open and skeletons surrounded the party members.

"You were saying, Ash?" Hermione commented.

D leapt into the air. His cape flew about him, making him seem like a mystic bird. When he landed he had killed 8 skeletons. Ron, Harry, and Hermione were casting stunning spells letting D slice the rest. Ash just laughed at the trio. "Guys this way is a lot more fun." Saying this Ash revved up the chainsaw and ran into the throng slicing and dicing every which way. After 2 minutes had passed every single skeleton was destroyed. D had killed most of them.

"How in the hell do you move so fast, pretty boy?" Ash asked D.

"You should think about something else." D replied coldly.

"Fine, Count Chocula here dosen't want to share his secrets." Ash said grumpily.

"Well, I think we've all learned one very important lesson here today." Hermione said.

"And what's that Shorty?" Ash quipped.

"You are never going to be given any important information ever again. You are hopeless at that sort of thing." Hermione said.

"Fine, have it your way. Just don't come crying to momma when you need my help." Ash said, going to Comet.

"I swear that guy belongs in an insane asylum." Left Hand said.

"Hey, you have a problem why don't you scurry over here and say it to my face!" Ash yelled.

Suddendly the maps that Dumbledore had given them started to glow and the maps were revealed to be scrying portals for Dumbledore to inform the party of where to go next. Dumbledore spoke one word. "Azkaban."

"Where in the hell is Azkaban?" Ash aked.

"Azkaban is the wizards prison. It houses dark wizards guarded by dementors. It's also on an island in the middle of the ocean." Ron said.

"Well, the way you say it makes it seem like a tourist attraction." Ash said. "So where are we going to get a boat?"

"Magic, of course." Hermione said, looking at Ash as if he was mentally challenged.

"Oh, right."

Riding west from the graveyard the party came upon a coastline. Using their wands Harry, Ron, and Hermione created a boat large enough for all five of them and their horses.

The rest of the day passed without incident. Except Ash, Ron, and Harry puking their guts out over the railing of the ship, that is. "What's this? The great Ash can't hold down his lunch? Pinch me, I must be dreaming." Left Hand said.

"Well, if you keep on yammering me and old double barrel here will blow your butt to kingdom come. See if we don't." Ash said weakly.

"That's enough you two. We can't afford to be arguing at a time like this." Hermione said, coming out of the cabin.

"Who died and made you God, Shorty?" Ash said.

"Someone around here has to be mature." Hermione said.

"What about pretty boy? Why don't you get in his face? In fact I think he acts more mature than you." Ash replied.

Hermione turned red. "D doesn't act foolish all the time. He doesn't strut around. And he doesn't antagonize us. Just for one night I'd like to not hear any arguments okay?"

Ash didn't reply. It's hard to reply when you're passed out. Harry and Ron dragged Ash to bed before they too nodded off, leaving Hermione and D alone. The moon was full and white looking like a pearl in the middle of an ocean of stars. D looked like he had been carved from the moon. His mood was pensive as Hermione came beside him. "What are you thinking about?" Hermione said.

"I was just thinking that you should be in bed, Miss Granger." D replied.

"You don't have to be so cold, it was just a question." Hermione said angrily.

"Actually I was thinking about the conversation you and Mr. Willams were having."

"And what does that have to do with anything?" Hermione asked.

"I just observed that you need to lighten up more and not be so controlling. Not everything in life can be explained rationally. Sometimes one has to act and not think." D said. "And if your worried about any of the others listening in on this conversation, don't be. They went to sleep awhile ago. I can hear them breathing."

"You can hear that?"

"And the voice of the wind in the forests, the devils in Hell, and the angels in Heaven." D said. Suddendly Hermione ran up to D and threw her arms around him.

_He's so cold. Maybe I can warm him up._ Hermione thought. D put his arms on her shoulders and pushed her away from him.

"Miss Granger, I don't know what your going through right now, but running to me won't solve anything. There's someone far more qualified for that job. You know who it is. Now, time to sleep." D said, taking his left hand and laying it on her forehead. Hermione instantly fell asleep.

"Well, there's a case of déjà vu, she was reaching out to you just like that girl with the bratty brother and what do you do? Reject her of course. You know one of these days you'll meet a woman who you won't be able to resist. I can't wait for that." Left Hand chuckled.

"Be quiet." D replied forcefully. He took Hermione to her bed and then resumed his watch on the deck.

Ash woke up the next day feeling woozy. _Damn ocean, damn Gramps, and damn seasickness._ Ash thought. Going up to the deck, Ash saw that it was covered in green blood. _What the hell?_ Ash thought coming upon D, who was reclining on a chair. D looked up as Ash appeared before him. "Did you decide to redecorate the boat while we were sleeping, pretty boy?" Ash said pointing to the carnage.

"Some mermen came onboard. I killed them. Don't worry about it." D said.

"Oh, that's it. On top of puking my guts out now I have to watch my back for the little mermaid and her brothers?" Ash said.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione came up and looked around at the gore.

"What happened?" Harry asked.

"Apparantely, Four eyes, Mr. Fancypants here killed some mermen that were trying to kill us last night."

"Don't worry about it anymore. I don't leave enemies in my wake." D said coldly.

"Fine, Shorty you think you can clean this up?" Ash said.

"Yes, Ash I could but I'm not going to." Hermione said, conjuring a mop and bucket. Giving them to Ash she said "You are."

"What are you, my mother?" Ash said.

"Someone has to be, since you have the maturity level of a child." Hermione said.

"Be quiet, something's coming." D said.

"What?" Harry asked.

"A kraken, most likely." D said.

As soon as D was finished talking, gigantic tentacles sprang out of the water. D took to the air and started chopping tentacles off left and right. But there were a lot and even D couldn't get them all. Ron, Hermione, and Harry were setting the tentacles on fire and Ash was slicing and shooting to his heart's content. One tentacle grabbed Hermione and lifted her into the air. Ash and D saw this and ran towards Hermione. D jumped up and grabbed her while Ash sliced the tentacle in two. Then the kraken's head came up out of the water, right in front of Ash. It wasn't really a head, more like a maw lined with rows and rows of teeth with a groping tongue in the center. It roared and Ash got covered in slime. He was pissed off now. "Hello beastie, let me introduce you to my boomstick." Ash said removing his shotgun. Yelling at the top of his lungs he ran forward into the mouth firing as he went. The kraken swallowed him up.

"Ash!!" the trio yelled. D held up a hand.

"Wait, he's not dead yet." D said. He leapt on top of the kraken's head and stabbed down into it's brain. It's death throes were horrible. It nearly destroyed the ship. Suddendly, there came a buzzing from its throat. A chainsaw carved its way out of the creature and then Ash appeared covered in gore.

"Get me a damn towel, guys!" Ash yelled.

"I have a better solution." Hermione said, conjuring a hose and spraying Ash with water.


	2. Chapter 2: Azkaban and Vulgate

Chapter 2: Azkaban and Vulgate

Author's Note: Once again, I do not own any of the characters and settings used in this story. Please R&R.

"I said towel, not hose." Ash said grabbing the hose from Hermione's hands. Throwing the hose overboard, he turned to D. "Thanks for saving me, pretty boy. I'd shake your hand but... you know." Then Ash turned to the trio. "Are we there yet?"

"We should be there in 2 hours." D said.

"How do you know that?" Hermione asked.

"I told you my left hand was useful." D said.

"More like annoying." Ash commented.

"You're the annoying one." Lefty said angrily.

"Anyway, Shorty fix us some food." Ash said.

"What makes you think I can cook?" Hermione said.

"I didn't think it, I said it. Now cut the chitchat and make us lunch." Ash said.

Hermione muttered angrily under her breath and conjured a huge feast. Ash, Hermione, Ron, and Harry all sat down to eat. D remained standing. He picked up a goblet from the table and put two pills in. Then he drank the mixture quickly and went into the cabin. "He must not like your cooking Shorty." Ash quipped.

Hermione stood up and got right in Ash's face. "Ash, will you stop calling me that bloody name, it's annoying. Are all Americans such loud mouthed braggarts?" Hermione asked.

Ash smiled. "Just me baby, just me." Hermione stared to draw her wand until Ash caught her hand. "Okay, Hermione I'll stop calling you Shorty." Then he turned to Ron and Harry. "Of course, Red and Four eyes aren't getting that luxury." Turning back to Hermione he said "If we're in a fight and I need you to get down I'll call you Shorty or girl. I'm sorry but your name is too damn long." Ash finished, heading down into the cabin.

"Well kiddos, anyone have something we can do for two hours?" Ash said.

"Yes, we can all be quiet and relax." Hermione said.

"That sounds fine to me." Ash said, laying out on the deck and sleeping.

Ash woke up as the sun was setting. Standing up he saw Azkaban. It was a gigantic tower on a gray slab of rock. There was no light from within the tower, only darkness. "So, what are these dementors like?"

"They are evil beings that suck all the joy from a person just by being around them. Also, if you let one near you they can suck the soul from your body, leaving an empty husk." Hermione replied. D appeared on deck. He took one look at the tower and then turned towards his companions.

"I'll go in alone. You two stay here and guard the boat." Giving them no time to respond he leapt off the boat and started running across the water. As soon as his feet reached land the dementors started swooping down from above. Just as they were about to make contact with D a silvery flash of light bisected them. Then he was inside. It had taken him only 20 seconds. Ron and Harry came up from the cabin.

"Where's D?" Ron asked.

"He pulled a Jesus on us and is now getting the Horcrux." Ash said.

"Ash, what's pulling a Jesus?" Harry said.

"God, Four eyes how stupid can you get? Mr. Fancypants ran across the water, you know how Jesus walked across the water in the Bible? Well, he ran. Anyway, get close to me and if you know any spells to repel these Nazgul-wannabes you use them." Ash said, drawing his shotgun. Ash started blasting a dementor with his boomstick. The four managed to hold off most of the dementors but pretty soon Ron, Hermione, and Harry all fainted. Ash was the only one left standing. "C'mon you damn Peter Jackson rejects. Come get some." Then Ash started laughing like a madman. It was his defense against any negative emotions, instead of being consumed by the horror, he embraced it. He had discovered it during the events at the cabin. He started sawing and shooting left and right but no matter how many he killed more soon replaced them. _Pretty boy better get his ass in gear._ Ash thought angrily.

D was swiftly running through the corridors of Azkaban. Dark wizards who felt him pass started quaking in their boots. Any dementors who got in his way were cut down. "Where's the Horcrux?" D asked.

"Keep going about 50 yards and then turn left." Lefty said.

As D turned left he felt a presence in the room with him. Out of the darkness came a 15 foot tall troll. Behind the troll 4 werewolves were slavering when they spotted D. D leapt up in the air and buried his sword in the troll's heart. As it crashed into oblivion, the werewolves all pounced at once from all directions. Two were cut from head to groin and another had a wooden needle stuck in its brain. The last tried to flee but D threw his sword faster than an arrow in flight and it ripped the werewolf in half and pinned it to the wall. Collecting his sword, D walked up to the pedestal in the center of the room.

"Well, I think that's a new speed record for you." Lefty said.

"Be quiet." D said, putting his left hand over the Horcrux. It was an eye and as Lefty started to suck in air a bluish glow came from the eye into Lefty's mouth.

"Yep, that's a delicious evil soul right there, better than real dirt." Lefty said.

Stabbing the eye with his sword, D then ran to the top of the tower and saw the dementors attacking the boat. Running with all his speed, D leapt from the tower.

Ash was bone weary. Last he checked, he had killed about 20 dementors and he was starting to feel the effects. Then his chainsaw caught on the neck of the current dementor he was fighting. The others took advantage and pinned him to the ground. Then they removed their hoods. 3 of the dementors broke off from Ash and went to the unconscious trio, removing their hoods. Ash wasn't disgusted by the fact that the dementors had no real nose or eyes. He had seen a lot worse on his other adventures. The sickest thing was the sucking noise the creatures made. It sounded like raw meat was being sucked into a vacuum cleaner. Just as the demon was about to suck his soul it started reaching for the back of its head. All the others on the boat did the same. Then they all fell to the ground, blood pooling from the back of their heads. Ash got up and saw that all the dementor's brains had been pierced by a wooden needle. Looking up he saw D hurtling through the air towards the boat. Dementors tried to intercept in the air but he just sliced them to bits. Just as he was about to reach the boat, he did a flip in midair and landed with his sword in his right hand. "Well, hello pretty boy. Now will you stop posing and help me wake these guys up?" Ash said angrily.

D didn't respond. Instead he walked up to each teen and placed his left hand on their foreheads. They instantly woke up.

"What happened?" Harry asked.

"Well, Four eyes, allow me to recap. Mr. Fancypants here had just gone into the prison. I was standing here with you three and then you guys passed out, leaving yours truly all by himself. Do you know how tired I am right now? I thought you guys had spells to stop those Grim Reaper posers and what happens? You pass out like a narcoleptic taking sleeping pills. Then, pretty boy came back and killed all the other dementors. Then he woke you guys up with that freaky thing in his hand. Anyway, how are you guys? Have any nice dreams while I was fighting for my life? Did sugar plums dance in your little heads? I'll be in the cabin, goodnight." Ash stomped away, his anger visible in his body language.

The trio started to go after him but were stopped by D. "Leave him alone. What we need to focus on now is where we are headed." Just then the party member's maps started to glow again. The face of Dumbledore appeared and gave them directions.

"Head north. Once you reach land, head south. You will reach your destination within a couple days. The place you are going is called Vulgate." Then the map returned to normal.

"I'm going to go check on Ash now." Hermione said. Harry looked at Ron.

"What?" Ron asked.

"What do you mean what? Aren't you going to go with her? I mean I remember when you guys first started going out. You wouldn't let _me_ near her. You were very jealous. What happened?" Harry asked.

"Hermione and I know how we feel about each other. Nothing can come between us. And anyway, it's Ash. I'm not worried." Ron said.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Harry said.

Ash was in his bed when Hermione came into the room. She saw that his stump was twitching and moving about as if his hand was back on his body. As she leaned in closer, Ash started screaming and thrashing about. Suddenly he bolted out of bed and hugged Hermione close to him. Then he started crying. "Cheryl, Linda I'm so sorry. Forgive me. I didn't mean too…" Hermione hugged him back.

"It's alright Ash, they forgive you." Hermione said.

At her voice Ash came out of his nightmare. He quickly let go of Hermione and looked down at his stump. "You shouldn't have come in here."

"I was worried about you."

"Why? Everyone I ever cared about is dead, all thanks to me."

"We care about you, Ash. And I don't think your sister would want you to sink into depression. What the dead wish for is not revenge, but happiness for those left alive."

Ash stood up. "Thanks, Hermione. Anyway, so now we're going to some place called Vulgate. What's it like?"

"I've never been there. Honestly, I don't know."

"You don't know? I thought you knew everything." Ash said.

Hermione looked at him angrily. "I'm going to start calling you Ashley if you don't stop."

"Alright, message received. Anyway, get out of here. I need to sleep."

Hermione left and then Ash went to bed, without dreams.

The next day came bright and early, a little too early for Ash, but they were finally going to get out of the damn boat so he was happy. After disembarking from the boat the party traveled all day. All around them were plains stretching as far as the eye could see. And the temperature kept on rising. D was out scouting as usual. Ash and the trio were setting up camp.

"How much longer is Mr. Lonely going to be?" Ash asked angrily.

"Don't be so upset you bloody git, if anyone should be upset it's us. Who's been doing most of the labor around here? We have. You don't help with camp or anything. You just lay there and complain about everything. And on top of this we're in the middle of a bloody desert!" Ron yelled, his face as red as his hair.

"Actually, Red, it's more of a plains environment, like Africa." Ash said with a smug grin on his face. Ron started to get up and pummel Ash when a dart appeared in his back. He fell to the ground, out cold. The others tried to go to his aid but were quickly taken down as well. During the argument none of the party members noticed the clumps of dry grass creeping towards the camp. Removing the camouflage, the intruders took the four companions back to their capital city.

Harry woke up with a painful throbbing in his head. As he opened his eyes he saw Ron and Hermione standing over him. Getting up, he looked around but didn't see Ash. They were in a cage.

"Guys, where's Ash?"

"We don't know. When we woke up, all we saw was you out cold on the floor." Hermione said.

Just then their jailer arrived. He was a short man with tattoos all over his body. He had a feathered headdress on and carried a sword. Harry tried talking with him but all he got in reply was a death glare. The jailer led them through a tunnel and then out into a paved stone walkway. They were in the middle of a city with huge pyramids and thousands upon thousands of people. Leading them on, the jailer took them to the tallest pyramid in the area. Once inside, they were taken before an ornate throne. And seated in the chair was the biggest man any of them had ever seen, even bigger than Hagrid. He had two slaves on chains by his side; all in all he was a pretty repulsive figure. Then the king began to speak to his captives.

"Well, I see we've caught some trespassers in our lands. Have you anything to say for yourself?"

Ron and Hermione looked at Harry. "Well, we're looking for a place called Vulgate."

"You've found it. And why did you come here? No, don't tell me, I already know. We "questioned" your loud friend. I will not let you take what is mine." Then the king drew out his sword and it glimmered with an unholy light. This then was the 3rd Horcrux. "Take them away; put them with their friend in the pit."

The trio were once again led by their jailer into another pyramid. This one was on the outskirts of the city and had guards in every nook and cranny. Coming into what they guessed was the center of the prison; they saw a black abyss in the center of the room. Then they were forced to go down a winding stair into the pit. Once they reached the bottom the guard left them and deactivated the stairs, trapping them.

"Hey guys, miss me?"

"Ash!" The three yelled. And stepping out of the shadows was Ash, covered in blood and looking very tired. His chainsaw was gone as was his shotgun.

"What happened?" Hermione asked.

"Well, after our pleasant little nap I was woken up and taken to the Pillsbury Doughboy. He asked me what we were doing here. I told him to blow. Then, he got a wee bit upset and tortured me. I won't get into the nitty gritty but he made me talk. Once he heard we were after the Horcrux he got even more pissed and tossed me in here. And then you guys showed up. Has Mr. Fancypants shown up?"

"No, we haven't seen him." Ron said.

"Well, I think he'll be coming along any time now, so we should just wait it out. But he better get here soon."

"Why?" Harry asked.

"Well, you see, these guys are into human sacrifice. You noticed all those damn pyramids around the city? Well, those are giant altars that they sacrifice their prisoners and slaves on. And I heard the guards say when they were taking me here that we only have about 5 hours before we're offered up."

At the gates of Vulgate the guards were loafing about. The day had ended and the moon was smiling in the heavens. Then the sentries spotted a figure approaching the gates. The guards pointed their spears at his chest. He didn't even blink.

"Who are you and why are you here?" The head guard asked, shaking in his boots. Something about the visitor chilled him to his very core.

"There's no point in naming myself to those who are about to die." As soon as he was finished talking, D drew his sword and decapitated both of the guards. Running through the gates D headed to the main pyramid. The elite palace guard all ran towards him trying to kill him but as each one was about to strike at him, they were run through with his sword. Going up to the throne room, D took his left hand and placed it on the king's forehead.

The head jailer returned in 4 hours and took the four friends from the pit into the palace. He was quaking with fear. As they came up to the throne room, the friends noticed all of the corpses on the ground. They had all been killed with a sword. Coming into the throne room they saw D standing calmly, with his left hand on the king's forehead.

"There, I've released them. Now release me." The king said, sweat coming out of every pore.

"Give me their weapons too and I'll let you go." D said. Then, he reached down and grabbed the king's sword. Throwing it to Ash, D then took a flat panel out of his pocket and placed it on the ground. A servant came and gave Ash and the rest their equipment back.

Releasing the king, D's right hand went to his sword. Drawing it swiftly, he cut the king in half. Sheathing the blade, D turned to his companions.

"We're leaving."

Past the gates of the city, D had stashed the party's horses. Once they were about 5 miles away, D took out a small remote and pressed it. Instantly a blinding flash came from Vulgate and when the light dissipated the entire city was gone.

"Did you just destroy all those people?" Hermione asked.

"No, I merely sealed them in a pocket dimension. They won't be able to escape it." D replied calmly, as if he was discussing the weather.

"What the hell are you? You killed about 50 guards back there and Pillsbury Doughboy. And then you whip out of your magic bag of tricks some fantastic device. Where did you get that?" Ash asked.

"I'm a dhampir, I don't leave enemies in my wake and where I'm from should be no concern of yours. Now that was my only dimension cutter. So I suggest that in the future you pay more attention to your surroundings."

The party was silent as they camped that night. D had already sucked up the soul from the Horcrux and destroyed the sword. Dumbledore's face appeared and told them their next destination.

"Head east and look for a town called Anselm."

"Let's hope the locals are friendly this time." Ash said.

"D, why did you tell the king you were going to let him go and then kill him?" Hermione asked.

"Anyone who comes at me or my charges I cut down. It's that simple." D said, leaving the campfire and going towards his tent.


	3. Chapter 3: Anslelm and Meroriam and?

Chapter 3: Anselm and Memoriam

Author's Note: Once again, I do not own anything in this story. They are the property of their respective owners. Also, please R&R.

"Well, there goes the life of the party." Ash said sarcastically, lying down in front of the fire. Hermione rolled her eyes at him and went to the tent she shared with Ron and Harry. The next day the group set out bright and early with Ash leading the way, the teenagers in the middle and D bringing up the rear. As they continued east the sky got darker and darker. A mountain loomed ahead with frost on its peaks. Dumbledore's face appeared on their maps.

"Climb the mountain and you will reach Anselm at the summit." The face vanished. Ash was pissed.

"Who does he think we are? Sir Edmund Hilary? Alright, how are we going to get up there?" Ash said, pointing to the peak. D got off his horse and went up to Ash.

"We climb." Then he grabbed some items from his saddlebags and started walking up the mountain. The teenagers got out their wands and dismissed the horses, knowing they could call them back when they needed them. Ash was even more pissed, but he kept his mouth shut and followed after the group.

Snow whirled about the air as the party ascended the mountain. D was like a force of nature, unrelenting. Every step he took was firm even though his feet left barely any imprint in the snow. Ash and the teens weren't as lucky. They were freezing to death. Ash yelled up at D.

"Hey pretty boy, we need to rest. We can't take much more of this!" Harry was passed out, his lips blue and his teeth chattering. Ron was close to the same fate. D came down and saw the predicament. Then he turned towards Hermione.

"Shrink yourselves so Ash can carry you." Hermione nodded and cast the spell. Soon the doll sized forms of Ron, Harry, and Hermione were pressed against Ash's chest. Ash and D struggled on. Pretty soon they spied smoke coming from a building up ahead. Knocking at the door, D asked if they could have lodging. The old woman who lived in the hut agreed and soon they were inside. Ash took out the three frozen teens and laid them out in front of the fire. Hermione woke up and undid the shrinking spell. Then she passed out. Ash was looking out the window of the cottage.

"Do you think this is Anselm?" Ash asked.

"Most likely but let's wait until we're fully rested before we set out again." D said. The old woman came in just then and noticed the teenagers.

"Where did they come from?" she asked in an angry tone.

"They're our companions. I forgot to mention them too you. I'm sorry if it's any trouble." D asked, charm oozing out of his voice. The woman relaxed after that and shook her head.

"It's all right. I just hope they're all right. I'll leave you two alone now." Then the woman retired to her bed. Ash turned to D, a smile on his face.

"Well pretty boy, you can be pretty damn persuasive." D didn't respond he merely looked into the fire. Ash quickly went to sleep, too tired to talk anymore.

The next day Ron woke up and noticed he was in front of a fireplace. Looking around he saw Ash, D, Harry, and Hermione at a table eating breakfast. Coming up to the group, he sat down next to Hermione.

"So, is this place Anselm?" he asked.

"Yes it is and we'll be exploring it as soon as we are done." Hermione said.

As soon as they were done, D went to the old woman and gave her money for the night's lodging. The woman refused payment and so the party left to explore. The town wasn't really much. Just a few buildings here and there, but then they came in sight of a huge mansion. As soon as they spotted the mansion Hermione walked like she was in a trance. The place was calling to her. D knew something was wrong but he let Hermione lead them in.

As soon as they entered they knew that this house was built for those of a literary inclination. Rows upon rows of books lined the walls. Ash was disturbed by all of the books.

"I've faced plenty of monsters but this is just wrong. What kind of person buys all of these books?" Ash remarked. No one answered him and Hermione seemed like she was in heaven. D stopped in front of one bookcase and turned towards Hermione.

"I'll let you handle the search. I know you love to read." Then D moved Ron, Harry, and Ash out of the house.

"What the hell are you doing, pretty boy?" Ash asked.

"There's something very wrong about this place. The woman at the cabin was too friendly and did you notice how Hermione looked when she entered that house?" D asked.

"People aren't all evil you know and Hermione loves to read, it's her hobby." Ron said. D didn't answer him. Instead he knocked on the doors of all the houses. No one answered. Running back to the cabin, they noticed that it looked as if no one had lived there for decades.

"It's as I suspected. The Horcrux is guarded by an illusion." D said.

"What about Hermione?" Ron asked, looking afraid.

"She was caught in it the moment she spotted the house."

"Well how are we going to save her?" Ron yelled.

"We can't do anything. It's all up to her." D said.

Hermione's world had shifted as soon as she spotted the house. The house seemed to be calling to her, to tell her that here, in this place, she would never be known as a know it all. She felt accepted for the first time in her life and when she went in she started reading book after book. How long she stayed there she didn't know, but time didn't matter at this point. All that mattered was escaping her life, at least for a couple of chapters. She didn't want to face the cruelty and the hatred of the world and its inhabitants. Her thoughts turned towards her friends, to Harry, and even Ash with all his sarcasm and flippant remarks, to D with his stoicism and emotional detachment. Soon though these thoughts were forgotten until they seemed like a half remembered dream of someone else's life. Then her thoughts turned to Ron and in her mind her identity struggled to reassert itself. Ron was a part of her and nothing could ever diminish _him_. He made her feel complete and safe. That was it, more than anything; he was her sanctuary, not books, not abstract words on a page but Ron, flesh and blood and spirit.

She was herself again and she saw the room for what it really was. The books were tatters and the entire place was a ruin. The book she held in her hand though felt alive somehow, as if it possessed a mind of its own. She had found the Horcrux and taking it with her she ran from the house. Her friends were outside waiting for her and Ron's face brightened when he saw her.

"Glad to have you back, Hermione. I know I wouldn't last a second with all those books." Ash said, grinning at her. Ron and Hermione embraced and Harry smiled at the pair. D stood off to the side appearing nonchalant but his body relaxed just a bit when he saw Hermione was okay. Taking the Horcrux from the girl he destroyed it and Lefty sucked up the soul.

"I think there's only one more Horcrux left." Lefty said.

"How can you think? Your brain must be the size of an atom." Ash said, laughing.

"Hey, at least I have a brain, unlike some people around here." The hand replied, going dormant.

"Oh! You little bastard!" Ash yelled. The three teens laughed at Ash and soon he stopped being angry and laughed too. Then the maps glowed and Dumbledore told them of their new destination.

"Head farther north and you will find Memoriam, a crystal city, and is where the final Horcrux is located."

Summoning their horses the party set out again. The land became a forbidding place as they descended from the mountain and nothing grew or lived within eyesight. As they set up camp, D held his left hand over the earth and crunching sounds emerged, he then had the hand suck in wind and some fire. After all this D took a canteen and poured water on Lefty, who quickly gulped that down too.

"As much as I love watching that freaky thing gorge itself, I'm going to bed." Ash said, falling asleep instantly.

"Why are you doing that D?" Harry asked.

"Just in case." Was the the response. Harry, Ron and Hermione shrugged and went to bed, leaving D alone to watch the flames dying in the fire, the last bits sucked into his hand.

"You know it won't end here, don't you?" Lefty said a hint of amusement in his voice. D didn't respond, and went back staring into the night, his thoughts as always a mystery. The next day the going got rougher until around noon they saw Memoriam. Its exterior was made out of crystal which reflected the light back towards the party. Pressing on they came under the massive arch that led into Memoriam. As they went along they saw a room with 4 doors and a sign which read: Though you seek high and low, until thou goes through the four paths you'll never find me.

"What in the hell?" Ash said.

"It's obvious. We have to split up in order to find the Horcrux." Hermione said. "I'd better go with Ash; he could need my help with thinking." D nodded and he went through one passage alone. Ash and Hermione took the one next to that leaving Harry and Ron to take the two remaining.

As Ash was walking along with Hermione he noticed that the path was becoming familiar, he felt as if he had been here before. Then he saw a tangled pile of metal that used to be a bridge and he knew where he was.

"We have to turn back." Ash said.

"Why?"

"Up ahead is the cabin I told you guys about. Where all my nightmares began and all my dreams ended." Hermione looked at Ash with sympathy in her eyes.

"Ash this can't be the cabin, it has to be an illusion. And we have to go forward. That's all any of us can do, move on and forget the past, so let's go."

Just then they heard a noise. It sounded like a motorcycle engine, if that engine had been possessed by a ghost.

"C'mon, we've got to run and barricade ourselves. They're after us."

"Who?" Hermione asked.

"Deadites." The two ran on and then they spied the cabin, looking just as Ash remembered. Its front door was wide open, as if in greeting to someone who had been away for a long time. As soon as they got through the door they shut it and pressed their bodies against it. An immense pounding came from behind and they were almost knocked away. Then as soon as it started, the pounding ceased, leaving Ash and Hermione alone in the cabin of Ash's nightmares.

Ron was walking and thinking about Hermione. Why had she volunteered to go with Ash? Why not him? Shaking these thoughts out of his head, he saw in front of him rows and rows of columns. In the shadow of one of these columns a figure appeared. Ron knew you it was. D stood facing Ron and his back to the shadows. But how? D went in an entirely different direction. D's voice broke Ron's train of thoughts.

"Listen, Ron. The girl says she wants to leave." Then D moved his cape aside and there, holding onto D like a lover, was Hermione. As soon as she saw Ron she smiled. It wasn't her normal smile but a cruel vindictive one.

"Well if it isn't little Ronnikins. Come to beg for money no doubt." The girl said venom in her voice.

"Hermione? What are you doing here? I thought you were with Ash?"

"I left that buffoon just like I'm leaving you. You were deluding yourself if you ever thought that I cared for you. Who would? You're nothing but a coward and a pauper. You and your wretched family are all alike, just as useless, just as hopeless. I've finally found someone who isn't weak. You're not that strong, you're not even all that talented. D here can protect me and he cares, unlike you, who only wanted someone to make you feel useful." Ron took the words in stride and he knew then that this was an illusion. _Well_, he thought,_ time to unravel it_.

"That's right, I'm a coward! But you know what? I don't give up on people. That's something my family, my "useless" family, taught me. People deserve second chances to prove themselves. You're the real coward hiding behind illusions and tricks, so come out!" The images of Hermione and D disappeared. Ron found himself in a large chamber. Looking around he saw 3 other doors and knew his companions would be here soon.

Deadites stared pouring in the cabin. Their eyes blank pupils, their hands grasping for the flesh of the living. Ash kept on shooting and slicing. Beside him Hermione was burning them with fire and forcing them back with Stunning spells. Just then, Hermione thought she heard Ron's voice talking about illusions and then she figured it out.

"Ash, this isn't real. These things are created from your mind so fight it!" Ash didn't reply and just kept shooting and killing. That's when Hermione resorted to drastic measures.

"Ashley, snap out of it!" Instantly the cabin and monsters disappeared, and the two found themselves in a large chamber with Ron looking at them. Ash turned towards Hermione.

"Shorty, how many times do I have to tell you, my name's Ash, not Ashley!" the house wares clerk yelled at Hermione. Then he realized he wasn't in the cabin anymore.

"Oh, well if my life's in danger then you can, but don't do it otherwise, got it?"

"Fine, Ash. Just think before you fire your gun next time." Hermione said, going over to Ron.

"Were you trying to get through to us?" Hermione said.

"Yeah, I saw you guys come out and you were firing into the passageway. So I tried to reach you. Looks like it worked." Ron said, grinning.

"I hate to break up this Kodak moment, lovebirds, but have you seen pretty boy or four eyes, Red?" Ash asked.

"No, but I'm sure they will show up." Ron said. As if on cue, Harry came running out of another corridor, wand held high. Then he saw his friends and relaxed.

"What happened?" Ron asked.

"Dementors."

"And they weren't illusions?"

"No, they were the real thing." Harry said. Just then flames arose from the center of the room and Voldemort emerged clapping his hands.

"I'm surprised you made it past my illusions. They were supposed to drive you mad but as the saying goes, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself." Ron, Hermione, and Harry all raised their wands and cast stunning spells. Voldemort dismissed the errant beams of light with a wave of his wand.

"Children, that's who Albus sends against me, children." Then he turned quickly because Ash was running towards him, gun firing and chainsaw revving. Voldemort cast a shield around himself which stopped the bullets and stood his ground against Ash's charge. As soon as their bodies connected Voldemort started to cast a Crucio curse but Ash grabbed his arm.

"Buckle up, Baldy; you're going for a ride." Ash said and then threw Voldemort over his shoulder with all his might. Before Voldemort could hit the ground, he floated in midair and pointed his wand at Ash.

"I've underestimated you, muggle, but now it ends. _Avada Kerdava_!" A green beam of light shot towards Ash, who couldn't move out of the way in time but just as the spell was going to hit, a glint of white light intercepted the beam. The Killing Curse went into the ceiling and D quickly jumped towards Voldemort, burying his sword up to the hilt into Voldemort's chest. Voldemort tried to raise his wand but found that his wrist was pierced through with a wooden needle. His face writhed with pain.

"What…are you?" Voldemort asked D. Removing his sword from his chest; D placed his left hand on Voldemort's face. D's aura dropped and then Voldemort started sweating and looked as if the Devil himself were after him.

"Now, you're going to tell me where the last Horcrux is." D spoke in a cold tone. Voldemort started talking, the words sounding as if they had been dragged from his mind.

"My…my….heart." D nodded and held his left hand up to Voldemort's heart. The last bit of the Dark Lord's wretched soul flew into the waiting mouth of Lefty, who promptly swallowed it. Voldemort sunk to the ground. Despite his unnatural looks he was only human and couldn't withstand a wound to the chest. Blood pooled out of his mouth. With a last effort he raised his wand.

"I'm going to die…but I'll make sure you never return home. _Obscura Fortuna_!!" Then D threw a wooden needle into Voldemort's brain, ending the life of Tom Malvaro Riddle once and for all. But whatever spell he had conjured with his dying breaths seemed to work. Immense billows of fog arose from his wand and covered up D, Ash, and the Trio. When the fog cleared, they were gone.

When the fog abated, the party found themselves in a grassy plain. A ruined city stood on the horizon looking like some meteor from the heavens had landed there. D turned towards Harry, Hermione, and Ron.

"See if you can cast magic." The Trio looked at D as if he was insane. Why wouldn't they be able to? They raised their wands and nothing happened. They spoke all the spells they could remember and nothing appeared, from the tiniest cantrip to the three unforgivable curses. Just then Ash spoke up.

"Look guys, I know you're all having a blast working your voodoo, but something's coming this way." Ash pointed to a cloud of dust steadily coming closer. As the object came into their field of view they saw it was a black motorcycle. As it came up to the party the driver hit the brakes and came to a screeching halt, stopping mere millimeters from D. The dhampir wasn't concerned because he could sense that the man on the bike wasn't an enemy. The driver had spiky blond hair and blue eyes that glowed with a strange light. His eyes weren't the most noticeable thing about him however as he had a huge sword almost as big as he was strapped to his back. Getting off the bike he viewed each stranger warily. Then he spoke.

"What are you doing here?"

D started to respond but was cut off by Ash.

"Listen up Needle Noggin; we're not from this place, wherever it is. We were on a mission and had just about finished it when the bastard we were after sent us here. Now I have a very important question for you: Where can I get one of those bikes?" Ash said, grinning at the bike. Cloud was already annoyed with Ash.

"I'm Cloud Strife and this place is the planet Gaia. That city is Midgar. Since you aren't from here I'll arrange lodgings for your group." Pulling out a cell phone from his pocket, he dialed a number.

"Tifa, I have some visitors I need picked up." Then he hung up.

"I'll expect to be filled in on your background when we see each other next." Then he got on his bike and sped off leaving the party alone.

"We need to figure out how we're going to fight if we can't cast magic." Hermione said.

"Don't worry, I'll train you and as for your magic, Cloud has some on him. I guess in this world magic isn't something nature bestows from birth." D said, looking at Midgar with an almost interested expression.


	4. Chapter 4: Meeting Avalanche

Chapter 4: Meeting Avalanche

Author's Note: I do not own anything in the VHD, Evil Dead, Harry Potter, or FF7 universes. They are the properties of their respective owners. Please R&R.

Shortly after Cloud left a van appeared. Stopping in front of the party, the driver got out. He was a middle aged man with black hair and was dressed in a blue business suit.

"Greetings, I'm Reeve, a friend of Cloud." Reeve said, extending his hand to D, who he knew to be the leader of the group. D didn't return the gesture; instead he merely looked at the man. Reeve wasn't put off as he was used to dealing with indifferent people. Ash decided to take over. Shaking Reeve's hand firmly, he began to give introductions.

"I'm Ash Williams. Pretty boy over there is D. I'll let Red, Shorty, and Four eyes introduce themselves." The teenagers came up to Reeve and told them their names. Reeve then took them into Midgar and into a little bar called Seventh Heaven. Behind the counter there was a very beautiful woman. Long, luxurious black hair cascaded down her back and she greeted the group with a kind smile. Her eyes were a reddish-brown and only added to her beauty. She started to say something, but the words died in her throat when she spotted D. Like every woman to come into contact with him, D's looks had momentarily distracted her. Shaking her head she tried again.

"Welcome, I'm Tifa Lockheart."

Ash instantly ran over to her, and grabbed her hand. His words came out in a rapid flurry of noise. "Hi I'm Ash Williams, do you want to go out with- Ash was suddenly cut off by Hermione coming up to him and slapping him on the back of the head.

"I apologize for Ash, he's a little too eager sometimes. I'm Hermione Granger, thank you for taking us in." Hermione said, dragging Ash away from Tifa. Ron and Harry introduced themselves and then Tifa turned to D who was looking at the scene impassively.

"And you are?"

"D." The hunter then turned towards a dark corner of the bar. A lone man was sitting at a table. The man had extremely pale skin like D and long black hair also. He was garbed in red and black and had a metal gauntlet shaped like a claw on his left hand. His eyes flashed with a red light as they locked with D's black orbs. Ash stood with mouth agape and he looked at D and then at the man in red, then back to D.

"Hey pretty boy, I think we've found your long lost twin." A twinge of consternation appeared in D's face as he heard those words. The man stood up and walked over to the group.

"Vincent Valentine." Vincent said, in a cold voice. Just then a huge red wolf walked into the room. Ash stooped down and talked to it.

"Hey Fido, can you play dead?" The wolf looked at him with a very angry glare. And then it spoke.

"I don't know, can you? By the way my name is Red XIII or Nanaki, not Fido." Nanaki said in a cultured voice. Ash quickly backed away, a startled look in his eyes.

"Man, ever since I've met up with you guys everything can suddenly talk." D and the teenagers weren't surprised; they had all seen stranger things on their adventures. Tifa had another smile on her face.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't mention Nanaki earlier. He's actually one of the last remaining of his tribe and is smarter than most humans." Harry could empathize with Red XIII because he had also lost his family. Suddenly two loud voices came from outside cussing and arguing.

"I'm telling you nothing's better than some F tea." One voice said. The second voice quickly shot back in deeper tones.

"You goddamn fool; beer is the only drink for a real man." Then the two men entered the bar. One was blond and had a cigarette in his mouth. At his side, he carried a huge spear and had flight goggles on his head. His blue eyes looked at the party with surprise. The other man was black and had a crew cut. He was a solid mass of muscles and instead of a right hand, he had a machine gun. He quickly joined his friend in being surprised. Tifa made their introductions for them.

"The blonde is Cid Highwind; he's one of the best mechanics in the world."

"The F best, and don't forget it!" Cid yelled. Tifa just rolled her eyes and went on.

"Barret Wallace is our founder and one of the best fighters around."

"Don't lie, I'm the best." Barret said. Ash came up and held up his chainsaw.

"I know your pain." Ash said. Barret looked at his chainsaw and smiled.

"Finally, another person who knows what it's like to lose a hand." The two went off into a corner to talk about their shared disability. Both Hermione and Tifa rolled their eyes at the pair.

"What do you mean by founder?" Hermione asked Tifa.

"Well, we're not all here yet but I'll tell you anyway. We started off as a small group called Avalanche, dedicated to bringing down our monopolizing rulers the Shinra Corporation but we eventually became aware of a new threat and saved the planet." Then Cloud came into the bar followed by a slim girl dressed like a ninja and what seemed to be a large stuffed doll with a cat on top of its head. Cloud started to introduce them.

"This is Cait Sith, our resident gambler and this is- but he was quickly cut off by the spunky young girl.

"I'm the great ninja Yuffie!" she exclaimed. "I'm going to see if these guys have any Materia." Then she cast Detect on her eyes. She noticed nothing on the three teenagers or the guy talking to Barret, but then she laid eyes on the pale guy. Her eyes became blinded by an area around his left hand. She covered her eyes. "Make it stop!" then she dismissed the spell.

"Are you alright?" Ron asked.

"I'm fine it's just whatever magic that guy has on him, it's too much for me to see." D didn't respond. Cloud looked around and accounted for everyone.

"Now that Tifa has filled you guys in on who we are, it's only fair that you tell us about yourselves." Ash stood up and tried to speak but he was cut off by a voice emanating from D's left hand.

"You can't even remember 3 little words, let alone our whole journey." Left Hand said. Cloud and Vincent instantly spotted the carbuncle living in D's hand. Ash got pissed off.

"Shut up, you little freak!" Vincent and Cloud both glared at D who remained indifferent to the whole affair. Then Lefty spoke again.

"I'm Doe-eye's permanent traveling companion. We, and I mean me and Mr. Lonely here, were hired to guard these three teenagers and make sure they made it back alive. Ashley here was also contacted but he joined up for the fun of it all. We had just finished the mission when the guy we had mortally wounded sent us here. And that, in a nutshell, is what happened." As the carbuncle called Ash by his full name, the house wares employee looked like he would blow through the roof. What D said next though cut through Ash's anger. D knew he could trust these people and that they would never trust him unless he was completely honest with them.

"We're from Earth. Also, I'm a dhampir, a half human half vampire. Ron, Harry, and Hermione are students at a school of magic and Ash is a warrior who has fought off an army of the undead and he also works at a supermarket. I hope this clears up any suspicions you might have had about us." Avalanche was stunned. Cloud quickly snapped out of it and turned towards the teenagers.

"The only ones we haven't heard from are you three." Hermione stepped forward.

"Everything D says is true." She said. Ron stood next to her.

"Ash may not look like much, but he's very handy in a fight." Harry walked up beside Ron.

"And D, well he's something else entirely but one thing he is not is a liar." Harry said.

Ash then came up and looked Cloud in the eye.

"Listen up, Needle Noggin; we're all pals here right? So trust us already." Tifa came up to Cloud and looked into his eyes.

"If Aeris were alive, she would want us to help them." She said. Cloud winced at the mention of that name. Sighing, he turned towards the strangers.

"Alright, my original offer stands. I'll give you lodging and help you find a way home. But I feel uneasy. Recently I've been having visions of _him_ returning. Maybe we met for a reason and not by chance. I'll be at the church at the center of town if you need me." Cloud said, leaving the bar. Tifa sighed and showed the strangers their rooms.

Harry was excited. His nightmares were over and Voldemort was dead. All that was left was to find a way back home and then he could start a family with Ginny. He had matured in this journey and was no longer so moody. There really was no reason to be with D around. D made Harry feel that all the pain he had experienced in his life was just a tiny blip of what D had been through. It was enough to make him happy again for the first time since 5th year. Before he entered his room, D came up to him.

"Meet me in the morning outside with Ron and Hermione. You have training to do."

The next day the trio was outside Seventh Heaven along with D and Tifa.

"Since you can't use your natural born magic, Tifa is going to train you in the use of Materia." Then Tifa stepped in. D then took his leave.

"Alright, from what D has told me you rely on wands as a medium to cast your magic. Materia is like that but on a more personal level." She took out three green orbs and tossed them to the trio. "This is Fire Materia. Each element has its own Materia, but its uses don't stop there. You can use it to mimic an enemy's ability, breathe underwater, and even summon powerful monsters. Focus on the energy within you and release it through the Materia." Ron raised his hand and nothing happened. Harry created a little spark. Hermione, on the other hand, caused a huge pillar of fire to erupt from the ground. Tifa clapped her hands.

"Great job Hermione, that's how you use it correctly. Now we are going to stay out here until you are all able to use the basic Materia spells." Harry and Ron groaned. Hermione and Tifa just rolled their eyes and continued training.

D walked to the church that Cloud said he would be at. Coming to the doors, D quietly slipped in. Cloud was waiting for him.

"Hey, D, what do you want?"

"I want to know who you were referring to the other day."

"Sephiroth, the strongest fighter on the entire planet and the same man who nearly destroyed it twice."

"Why does he keep on returning?" D asked, but then noticed that time had seemingly frozen. Cloud stood stock still and D couldn't hear his heart beating. A woman's laughter rang out behind D.

"He looks so silly like that, don't you agree?" a soothing voice said. D turned around and saw a woman dressed in pink and red carrying a basket of flowers.

"You're Aeris." D said, ignoring the woman's previous comment.

"Nothing escapes your eyes, do they?" Aeris said. D didn't answer. Aeris sighed and continued. "Sephiroth is unique. Like you, he has an incredibly strong will to live. That's why he always comes back. The planet rejects him from ever really dying because to accept him into the Lifestream of the planet would corrupt it beyond repair. I summoned you here specifically to ask for your help."

"And if I refuse?" D asked. Aeris laughed as if the dhampir had told a very funny joke.

"You won't refuse. It's in your nature to help those in need. And besides, if you don't stop him, your friends will never return home." Then Aeris vanished, leaving D standing in front of a confused Cloud.

"What just happened?"

"Aeris asked for my help in stopping Sephiroth."

"And are you going to help us?"

"Yes. All of us will." D said.


	5. Chapter 5: Another Mission

Chapter 5: Another Mission

Author's Note: I do not own anything relating to Harry Potter, Evil Dead, Vampire Hunter D, or Final Fantasy 7. Please R&R.

After D and Cloud left the church they went back to Seventh Heaven. Entering the bar, they saw Ash, Cid, and Barret passed out in a corner of the bar. Apparently they had gotten their hands on Tifa's supply of whiskey. Ash jolted awake when he heard the two enter the bar.

"Hey pretty boy, you want some?" Ash said, holding up the bottle of booze to D.

"I don't touch the stuff." D replied.

"That just means you can't hold your liquor down."

"Think whatever you like. Where are the kids?"

"Tifa said something about real life training in the plains." Ash said, sliding off the table and returning to unconsciousness. D left to find the teenagers, leaving Cloud to pick up the mess. As he was reaching the outskirts of the city, he swung around.

"You can stop tailing me. I felt your presence a while back." After the dhampir was finished talking, a red cloak came flying up to D and struck the ground. Vincent stood up and glared at D.

"I want some answers. Where are _you_ from? I don't buy that you belong to the same world that your friends belong to."

"I belong to the twilight. Neither the worlds of day or night want me or accept me. I have no home, just solitary journeys and endless battles. Does that answer your question?"

Vincent nodded and apologized for distrusting D. As he flew away, D heard roars and yelling up ahead. Running up to the battle, he saw what appeared to be a gigantic cobra fighting Tifa and his friends. The monster was over 20 feet tall and about as long. Ron, Hermione, and Harry all cast lightning spells and the creature slithered back. Tifa then ran up the back of the monster and started beating it across the face with her fists. Each blow seemed to sap the monster of further strength. Suddenly, it shook itself out of its stupor and lashed out at the group with its tail. Tifa was thrown off but did a flip in midair and landed safely. Just as the tail was about to reach the trio, the monster hesitated for a brief moment. Using the moment of weakness the teens cast fire and ice spells and the creature disintegrated. Ron went over and healed Tifa of a light bruise she had received from the creature. Spying D coming up the trio and Tifa smiled at him.

"It seems they're improving." D said.

Tifa nodded. "They've already mastered the basics and Hermione is using summons. It took me nearly 5 weeks just to get to that point, but I guess that's the advantage of being able to naturally use magic."

"Good, well that's one thing we don't have to worry about."

"Why did you come here D?" Hermione asked.

"We have another mission to do before we can go home."

"What!! After all we've done already and we have to go through more!" Ron said angrily. D nodded.

"It isn't up for debate. Plus, it's our only way to get back."

"What do we have to do?" Harry asked.

"Kill Sephiroth once and for all. He's this world's enemy and even stronger than Voldemort, maybe as strong as me." That made the trios jaw drop. Who could equal D in strength?

"D, who told you Sephiroth, was coming back?" Tifa asked.

"Aeris told me. I've already talked it over with Cloud. We're going to set out tomorrow." Then D left. Going to Seventh Heaven he heard Left Hand speak up.

"You do know we were being spied on back there right?" D didn't respond and walked into the bar.

_In the mountains of Nibelheim…_

Sephiroth smiled as he saw the pale man walk away. It seems he had finally found a challenge. As for the other strangers from Earth, he paid them no heed. But if Cloud had found some more allies, maybe it was time to have his remnants return. Yes, they would work nicely.

_The next day, outside Midgar…_

Ash was furious. He'd assumed that he was done adventuring but no that tricky bastard Fate had intervened once again. Now they were traveling on foot to get something called a Chocobo, because Needle Noggin had said they couldn't use their airship. It was being repaired. At least they weren't going on a boat.

D and Cloud were in front followed by Vincent and Tifa. The Trio and Ash brought up the rear. Barret, Yuffie, Cait Sith and Cid were going in another direction to search for Sephiroth. They had reached the Chocobo Ranch. Ash was freaked out by the giant birds.

"Man, I wonder how these things would taste." Ash said. Hermione and Tifa threw him angry glares. He shut up after that. Purchasing mounts for the whole party they set out. D rode his mount like an expert while Ron was almost flung to the ground. Harry and Hermione rode better because of their past experiences with a similar creature named Buckbeak. Behind the group, cries of pain rang out from Ash. His Chocobo was stubborn and kept throwing him to the ground. At last, Cloud turned around and brought out a remote. Coming up to Ash he glared at him.

"I'm only doing this because you couldn't ride to save your life." Cloud said. Ash was about to ask him what he was doing when a motorcycle engine roared in the distance. Cloud gave the keys to Ash and glared at him even more.

"If you put so much as one scratch on Fenrir, I swear you'll need to go coffin shopping." Then Cloud went up to his bike and pressed a release lever. Instantly the sides of his bike swung out, revealing six swords. Grabbing all of them, he merged them into the sword he was carrying.

"I got the message, Blondie." Then he ran over to the bike and hopped on, leaving the Chocobo to find its own way back to its ranch. Before Ash could even start his new ride, snarling was heard up ahead. D and the rest got off their mounts and prepared for combat. Whatever made that noise wasn't friendly. Ash spied a sea of black and white. About 50 huge creatures were heading towards them. They had black fur and a bony protrusion covering their faces. Soon they would be upon them. D's hand moved so fast not even Cloud could see it and suddenly about 20 of the creatures disintegrated. The remaining horde was upon them then, barking and slashing. Harry cast fire spells at the closest monsters, killing some but then one came behind him and knocked him to the ground. He could smell its rotting breath, and felt drool landing on his face. Just as the creature was opening his jaws to devour him, Ash ran in firing his shotgun. The creature died in an instant. Coming up to Harry, he helped him off the ground.

"Every time we get into a scrap I have to save you guys. Oh well, guess it's an occupational hazard. Say Four eyes, watch my back. The lovebirds seem to be doing pretty well with that tactic." Harry looked over and saw Ron and Hermione back to back firing spell after spell into the mass of enemies. Cloud and Tifa were side by side, effectively mowing down monster after monster. Cloud's sword moved like greased lightning, seeming to be everywhere at once while Tifa was using precise blows to vital areas. D was on his own making the slaughter he was wrecking on his enemies seem almost beautiful. As soon as he appeared in front of an enemy they ceased to exist. Vincent was shooting with a large three barreled handgun with deadly aim.

As soon as it had begun the fighting was over. No corpses were on the battlefield. The monsters had just blown away like smoke in a fierce wind. Clapping could be heard.

3 men were sitting on bikes on a high ridge a few yards away. They were each dressed in black and had silver hair. Their weapons were unique. One had what looked like a sword and a revolver mixed together. Another had a two pronged gauntlet and the third had a single katana with two blades extending from the hilt.

"Hello again, brother." The man with short silver hair said to Cloud.

"Kadaj, Luz, Yazoo? How are you three alive?"

"Sephiroth called for us. We remnants are not subject to the will of this planet. We're taking your heads to Mother." Then the three started their bikes and headed towards the party. The Trio cast Ice and Bolt spells but nothing came close to hitting the three men. They were too maneuverable on their bikes. As they drew closer, Vincent took to the air, firing as he ascended. The brothers blocked the bullets with their weapons. But then the men's motorcycles started spewing forth smoke and sparks shot from the control panels. Leaping off the bikes, none of the brothers noticed the wooden needles that had pierced the vehicles. Cloud and Tifa rushed toward Yazoo, who had his gunblade ready. Dodging a blow from Cloud, he slashed at Tifa who rolled out of the way. Then Vincent came down from above firing as he went. Yazoo cart wheeled right into Tifa's sidekick. He was knocked to the ground. Attempting to get to his feet, he was stopped by cold metal on his neck. Cloud raised his sword. Just as the blow was about to strike, Yazoo dodged. Anticipating this, Vincent fired a bullet right into Yazoo. He was pitched from the ground and lay still. Turning towards Luz, they saw he was dominating his fight against Ash and the Trio.

Ash was bruised all over. This bastard could move at incredibly high speeds. One moment he was in front of Ash, the next right behind him. All spells aimed at him missed and Luz kept on beating Ash. Then Hermione cast Haste on Ash and time seemed to slow down. He could see Luz approaching from the left in slow motion. Ash smoothly dodged the blow and tried to land one of his own. Luz again moved at the last moment. Luz started to taunt Ash.

"What's wrong? Can't goody little two shoes hit me? Goody little two shoes, Goody little two shoes, Goody little- but then he was cut off by Ash's shotgun pressed against his cheek. Ash nodded and pulled the trigger, nearly blowing Luz's head off and sending the corpse sprawling away from him. Ash walked away from the body.

"Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun." Ash said, returning his gun to its holster. Turning to the Trio, he smiled at them. "Thanks for the speed boost guys. Did he hurt any of you?"

"No, it looks like he just wanted to beat you up." Ron said, casting Cure on Ash. Instantly the bruises healed and Ash felt new vigor flowing through his body. He could only reply in one way.

"Groovy."

"Who uses that word anymore?" Tifa said, coming up to the group with Cloud and Vincent.

"I do, babe, I do." Ash said. Then they looked for D. He was standing over Kadaj's headless corpse.

"Before I killed him, he told me that Sephiroth was in the mountains of Nibelheim." D said, returning to his Chocobo. Then Ash finally got on Fenrir and the rest on their mounts.

Sephiroth was incensed. Those fools, didn't they think? Then he thought of a brilliant idea. _Cloud and Tifa are going to love this._ Then Sephiroth exited his lair. Going down to the town of Nibelheim he started burning it to the ground. Then he killed all the villagers. After he was finished killing, he cast Life and Transform on the villagers. Soon he had a sizable army of undead. Now he just had a few more preparations before he could welcome his guests.


	6. Chapter 6: Goodbye Gaia

Chapter 6: Goodbye Gaia

Author's Note: I do not own any characters in this story. They are the property of their respective owners. Please R&R.

Later on in the night, the party reached Nibelheim. It was burned to the ground. Cloud and Tifa had looks of pain on their faces.

"Ah, like what I've done with the place? Oh, Cloud, Tifa, I have some people here who've been dying to see you again." Sephiroth's voice called out. Then two people walked out from the shadows. One was a woman with blond hair and blue eyes. The other was a man with black hair and brown eyes. Cloud and Tifa stiffened when they saw the two. Their skin was hanging off them in loose tatters. Bones were visible through the rents and tears in their flesh and their eyes held an unquenchable hunger.

"Mother…Sephiroth I'll send you to Hell!!" Cloud yelled. Tifa didn't reply, instead tears flowed from her eyes as she saw the monster that used to be her father. Then Sephiroth appeared with 70 undead.

"I've been it's overrated. What I want now is to fight that man." Sephiroth pointed out D. D instantly jumped in the air, sword striking for Sephiroth's head. A beautiful sound of metal on metal rang out in the night. Sephiroth smiled.

"Finally, a real challenge." He said and then broke away from D, who quickly followed, the pair heading out of the village up to Mt. Nibel. The other party members tried to follow, but were cut off by the undead. Ash revved his chainsaw.

"Come on you bastards, I'll send you crying home to momma!" The house wares employee yelled, running into the fray. Cloud, Tifa, Vincent, and the Trio soon followed.

Sephiroth and D were fighting at incredible speeds. Anyone who was there to see the combat wouldn't even be able to see the blades in motion, they were so fast. Lightning came from the Heavens to strike at D, who quickly dodged the bolt. The air was filled with wooden needles thrown at high speeds at Sephiroth, who blocked them all. Rain came pouring down and the footing grew treacherous as the pair continued their duel. Then Sephiroth drew on his full power. A single black angel wing grew from his right shoulder. Taking to the air, Sephiroth began harassing D with all kinds of magic. A few struck him and D fell to his knees, no pain visible on his features. Sephiroth smiled and used his strongest lightning spell. Instantly D was wracked with over 5000 volts of electricity. Then D snapped. His eyes turned blood red and huge fangs grew from his mouth. A black aura covered him and blocked all the spells Sephiroth used against it. Then the aura erupted outward in a wave of darkness. Sephiroth couldn't move he was literally frozen with fear from the lurid will to kill he felt from D. Shaking himself he drew his Masamune and flew at D, who threw his sword so fast even Sephiroth couldn't see it. The blade pierced his heart and the force of the blow ripped his upper body off. The blade continued in its flight and pierced the side of the mountain. Sephiroth was in shock, his eyes glazing over. D appeared in front of him, unfatigued, no sign of weariness in his features. D held out his left hand and Sephiroth felt his soul being stolen. He tried to fight it but he couldn't. It was as inevitable as death. Just before he slipped into oblivion, he telekinetically caused the Mako factory in Mt. Nibel to blow up. D quickly left, running as fast as he could back towards his companions.

Ash was in his element. Any zombie that turned towards him was either sliced or shot. Nothing lived that came towards him. His companions were equally effective. Vincent had turned into a huge winged demon and was incinerating the undead with fireballs and his claws. Cloud and Tifa had dispatched their parents and were mowing through the enemy. Ron, Hermione, and Harry had all summoned monsters. These huge creatures were tearing through the ranks and pretty soon they were all defeated. Just then an explosion rang out from Mt. Nibel and a huge wave of Mako and Lifestream energy poured down towards the party members. D came running down and joined his friends. They tried to escape but the wave was upon them. As soon as it washed over them, they felt the air become charged with static electricity and then every party member passed out.

When Cloud woke up, everything was pure white. He knew where he was. Tifa, Vincent, Ron, Hermione, Harry and Ash all woke up. D was standing as if waiting for someone to return.

"Aeris will be back shortly." The dhampir said.

"D, did you kill Sephiroth?" Cloud asked. D nodded and held out his left hand.

"Man, that guy was tough. Mr. Tight Lips had to use half his full strength to kill the bastard, but yeah, he's gone for good." Lefty said. Cloud looked at D in awe.

"That's fine and dandy guys but I want to know where in the hell are we?" Ash said angrily. Just then Aeris appeared a sad smile on her face.

"You're in the Lifestream. Don't worry, you didn't die it's just…you won't be able to return to Gaia. The planet is sending you somewhere else, I don't know where."

"Well, that's just perfect." Ash said.

"How will we return home?" Tifa asked.

"You'll have to go where D and his friends came from. That world's magic is powerful enough to send you back here." Then Aeris disappeared. The Lifestream faded away and when it was gone, the party found themselves surrounded by cherry blossom trees. Suddenly they heard two little girls yelling.

"C'mon Uncle Ken, you said you'd take us to the store."

"Yeah Uncle Ken, you said." Then the speakers came into view. Two little girls dressed in kimonos were dragging a man in red. He had deep blue eyes that were constantly alert. The strangest thing was the cross shaped scar he had on his left cheek.

"Alright just be patient we're almost- the man stopped speaking when he spotted the party.

"Who are they, Uncle Ken?" One of the girls asked, looking scared. The man turned towards her.

"Why don't you take Ayame and go back to the dojo, hmm?"

"Okay." The girl replied, leading her little sister away. As soon as the girls were gone, the man turned towards the party.

"I can see by your clothes you're not from around here. Who are you?"

Tifa spoke up. "We're kind of…lost. I'm Tifa Lockhart and these people behind me are Cloud Strife, Vincent Valentine, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Ash Williams, and D." The man stared at each person in turn, as if he could divine their natures at a glance. His eyes lingered on D the longest. Then he smiled.

"Well, I don't know if she'll have you but I have a friend who should be able to take you in. I'm Kenshin Himura, just follow me and I'll show you where she lives." Kenshin said, turning around and walking away. Ash followed after him. D turned towards the others.

"None of you can cast any magic while we're here, unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Why?" Harry asked.

"We're on Earth, some 225 years before the present. Oh and we're in Japan."

"How do you know all this?" Cloud asked.

"The outfit that mans wearing is specific to this era in history. So, let's follow him and see where he takes us." Then the group followed Kenshin as the sun started setting in the west.


	7. Chapter 7: Life in the Meiji Era

Chapter 7: Life in the 12th year of Meiji

Authors Note: I do not own anything in Harry Potter, Rurouni Kenshin, Evil Dead, Vampire Hunter D, and Final Fantasy. Please R&R.

As Kenshin was leading the strange group to the dojo, he began thinking about the strange group. He had a suspicion that they weren't from Japan. Coming up to the dojo, he saw Kaoru and Yahiko practicing.

"No, Yahiko! Come at me faster and strike at my shoulders!" Kaoru shouted. The young boy came at her faster and but failed to strike in the desired location. The boy got angrier.

"Well, maybe if you told me that earlier, Ugly!" Yahiko said. Kaoru then forgot all about training and started chasing the kid around the dojo and whacking him with her wooden sword. Then Kaoru spotted the strange party just outside the front gates. Blushing furiously, she went and introduced herself.

"Hello, I'm Kaoru Kamiya and this is my dojo." The group introduced themselves. Just then the party heard yelling outside the dojo.

"Hey Missy, you got any room for me tonight, I need a place to crash." Then the speaker of the voice came into view. He was about 20 with spiky brown hair and brown eyes. He was muscular but lithe.

"SANOSUKE!! Keep it down, what will the neighbors say? Anyway, yes you can stay here but just for tonight, as you can see we have guests." Kaoru said. Sano glanced at the party, and then he spotted Tifa.

"Hey, you look like you'd be pretty good in a fight. Do you wanna spar sometime?"

"Sure, just don't whine when I beat you." Tifa said a challenging glint in her eye.

"Anyway, I'm going to go gamble, anyone care to join me?" Ash instantly ran up to him and the two men went away, already becoming fast friends. Kaoru and Hermione shook their heads in dismay.

"Come on, I'll show you to your rooms." Kaoru said, leading the others into the dojo.

"Hermione-chan, you can have my room." Hermione started to protest but Kaoru wouldn't have it. "You're a guest, so just relax; I'll be with Kenshin in his room." Tifa had Yahiko's room on the second floor, which left Yahiko to share the main room with the rest of the party. Then D stood up.

"I'm going to a hotel, Kaoru-dono, thank you for the hospitality." Then he left. Kaoru turned towards the others.

"Is he always like this?"

Harry and Ron nodded their heads. Kaoru went to bed, still annoyed with D. Kenshin soon joined her and the couple drifted off to sleep. Harry and the rest soon followed. Outside the dojo, two shadowy figures were stealthily making their way through the darkness. That is until one of them fell down and started cursing.

"Man Ash, you sure had a lot of sake, you still able to go through with the plan we came up with?" Sano asked, looking annoyed.

"Don't you worry, pal. I'm still able to complete Operation Tifa. Did you bring the rope?" Sanosuke held up the rope.

"Yeah, and if I know the Missy, she gave Tifa Yahiko's room. It's on the second floor." Then the two men crawled up the side of the dojo. When they reached the roof they took the rope and tied it around the chimney, then tied two lengths around their waists. Ash took out his hand and held it up in the air.

"Air speed…Okay, Wind…Marginal, alright ready Sano?" The freeloader raised his hand and the two men jumped off the roof, stopping in front of a window. Carefully, they pried it open and crept in. They saw a bump underneath some blankets and pulled the blankets off. They were instantly whacked over the head with a wooden sword and both men passed out.

When he came to Ash was in a tiny shed with Sano next to him, both were butt naked.

"Where the hell are we?" Ash asked. Sano shook his head, and focused on why tiny dwarves were hammering anvils into his skull, at least that's what it felt like. Yahiko then opened the door to the shed and glared at the two men. He had been able to get his room back from Tifa before he went to bed and therefore knocked the two men out.

"Man, you guys are twisted." Then he shut it again, deciding to let them out around noon. Then he went to Kaoru. His sensei had insisted that she was going to take the group out sightseeing. But first they had to dress accordingly. Hermione had no trouble with her kimono, having been to Japan for summer vacation a few years back. The others though, well, let's just say it's a good thing Kaoru was so forgiving. After they had all gotten on their clothes the group hit the town. Cloud and Tifa went to see paintings in the downtown district while Ron and Harry went to watch sumo wrestling. Vincent went to see Kabuki theatre leaving Hermione with Kenshin, Kaoru, and Yahiko.

D was at the entrance to the dojo when he heard scuffles coming from the shed off to the side of the building. Opening the door he saw Ash and Sanosuke, naked, trying to force their way out. Shock written all over his face, D quickly got away trying to get the images out of his head. Before he left, a voice rang out from around his left hand.

"I knew Ash was gay. You owe me some fresh dirt, D." The two men quickly ran out of the shed and went into the dojo. D waited outside, not wanting to see what they were doing together now.

Hermione loved the food at the Akabeko. It was so unlike the normal food she ate and that added flavor to the meal. Then she noticed Yahiko looking at one of the waitresses, a small girl about his age.

"Who's that Yahiko?" she asked. The boy turned to her with his face flushed red.

"Tsubame."

"Yahiko's girlfriend." Kaoru clarified. Yahiko got angry then.

"She's just my friend who happens to be a girl, Ugly!" Kenshin, sensing the rising hostility level, tried to calm Kaoru down. As always, he failed.

"Yahiko-_chan_, don't ever call me Ugly!"

"Well, don't call me chan!" Then the sensei and her student began throwing food at each other.

"We should leave, Hermione-dono." Hermione nodded and the pair left the restaurant. As soon as they left, Kaoru and Yahiko came to their senses and chased after them.

"Kenshin, wait for us!" Kaoru yelled. Kenshin stopped, Hermione kept on walking. Just then a group of men moved out from the shadows of a nearby alley and surrounded Hermione. They all had swords. Hermione was about to draw her wand when she heard the men gasp. Kenshin stood beside Hermione with his sword drawn.

"I suggest you leave." Kenshin said in a calm voice. The men quickly got over their surprise and charged Kenshin. Kenshin disappeared, or at least that's how Hermione saw it. Then 3 of the men were knocked out, and only two were left standing. They were looking around for Kenshin.

"Over here." The rurouni called out. Looking up the two men saw Kenshin coming down from above. He struck one man over the head and the other tried to run, just as he thought he made it, Kenshin appeared in front of him and knocked him out. Then he turned towards Hermione. "Are you alright, Hermione-dono?" Hermione could only nod her head.


	8. Chapter 8: To the Frontier

Chapter 8: To the Frontier

Author's Note: I own nothing in the VHD, Harry Potter, Evil Dead, Final Fantasy, or Rurouni Kenshin. They are the property of their respective owners.

Later Kenshin, Yahiko, Kaoru, and Hermione met up with the rest of the group and headed back towards the dojo. They saw D at the entranceway.

"Its time." The dhampir said and then went into the dojo. The group followed him except for Yahiko, Kaoru, and Kenshin, who were confused.

"Time for what?" Yahiko asked. The party gathered on the main floor of the dojo, Ash was there too after explaining to D what had really happened with Sano and the late night drinking. D turned towards the Trio.

"Use your wands and cast the Obscura Fortuna spell that Voldemort used." The three did as asked and raised their wands. The fog appeared and started rolling towards the group. D held up his left hand and started sucking in the fog. Just then Kenshin opened the door and saw what was happening. D couldn't stop the process in order to get him out of the room.

"Oro?" was all the rurouni managed to say before he was whisked away, along with the rest of the party. Kaoru opened the door and saw that they were all gone.

"Kenshin? Oh, now who's going to do all the chores?" Then she smiled. "Oh, Yahiko, I have a little job for you." The young instructor ran towards here student, who was trying to make a break for the door. The two weren't worried about Kenshin; they knew he wouldn't go away without telling them. Sano saw the two in their madcap chase and decided to go gamble some more.

Kenshin opened his eyes and saw he was lying in a beautiful wooded area. Ash, Tifa, Cloud, Vincent, D, Ron, Hermione, and Harry were all looking at him. Ash was furious, partly because he didn't know where he was and partly because he was usually angry.

"Why did you come poking in our business you red-haired, poor, girly looking, goof!" Ash said, his talent for cruel nicknames wearing as thin as his patience. Hermione and Tifa both glared at Ash.

"Ashley, stop making fun of Kenshin! It was an accident, and maybe if we had told him the truth from the beginning this wouldn't have happened!" Hermione yelled, her face getting red. Tifa started laughing.

"You're name's Ashley? Your parents must have really wanted a girl, Ashley!" Tifa taunted. This pissed Ash off to no end, but he didn't reply and instead turned towards D.

"Okay pretty boy, do you know where we are now?"

"The last place any of you would ever want to be. We're on Earth in the year 13000 A.D. This is where I come from." Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Ash all stared at him with jaws nearly hitting the floor.

"You're from the future?" Ash said. D nodded and then continued speaking.

"Around the year 2012 humanity destroyed itself with nuclear weapons. There were barely any survivors and they hid underground for a few millennia. When they returned to the surface, they found a new species had claimed the planet…vampires. They called themselves the Nobility and subjugated humanity and molded them to fear vampires and forget all their weaknesses. They created a high tech Capital and bio engineered monsters from legend. After living this way for 3000 years humanity rebelled. They rose against their former masters and won after thousands of years of fighting. Now the remnants of the Nobility haunt mankind on the Frontier, where we are now. Also they released all their creations into the wilds. I hunt the Nobility. I don't know how we ended up here but we need to find a safe haven. We'll head towards Ransylvia. I have a friend who lives there." Then D led them westward. Tifa dropped back to talk to Kenshin.

"I should tell you now so you know everything." Then Tifa filled Kenshin in about everything that had happened since she had met D, Ash, Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "And don't let Ash get to you, he's really a good guy underneath all the nicknames and put downs." Tifa said, giving Kenshin a beaming smile. The rurouni stayed silent for a while and then spoke.

"It all makes sense now. I sensed an unusual amount of chi from your party and I knew some of you weren't fully human. Thank you for telling me Tifa-dono." The party made their way through a small town. It had several large buildings but wasn't overly populated. The townspeople glared at the party with suspicious eyes, which turned to looks of longing and sighs of passion from the women as soon as they spotted D. Going past the town they came upon an immense farm. A man spotted D and ran towards him. The man had dark hair and blue eyes. He was heavily muscled and looked tough. He carried what looked like a flintlock rifle over his shoulder. Coming up to D he smiled.

"Hey big brother, long time no see." He said happily. D gave him a flicker of a smile and introduced him to the party.

"This is Dan Lang. He runs this farm." Dan took note of the strange group and then showed them to their rooms.

"Is D really your brother?" Tifa asked. Dan laughed and shook his head.

"No, I just call him that. About 30 years ago he came and helped my sister who had been bitten by a vampire. He saved our lives. This is the first time I've seen him in 10 years. The last time he was here, he watched over my sister until she passed on." Dan stopped at the mention of his sister and smiled sadly. "But he still looks the same as when I was eight. I guess it's true about what they say about dhampirs and how they don't age." With that he left the group.

"Where's pretty boy? And that girly looking guy?" Ash asked.

"D went outside a while ago. I think Kenshin went with him." Cloud said.

"Ah well, I'm tired so I'm hitting the sack." Ash said, going into his room. The rest quickly followed suit.

Outside, D stood by a single headstone. He took out some flowers and laid it against the marble marker. Suddenly he stiffened and drew his sword. It met with steel and a surprised look on Kenshin's face. Both men sheathed their weapons. Looking down at the grave, Kenshin sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry if I was interrupting anything. I know what it's like to lose someone you care for deeply." Kenshin said, his hand reaching towards his scar. Then he went into the farm. D stayed by the grave marker. Blood trickled down D's face as he cried. This was another aspect inherited from his Noble heritage. This was the first time D had cried in 1000 years. Left Hand remained silent, but occasionally little sniffles came from the carbuncle. Finished with his grief, D went inside and slept.


	9. Chapter 9: Vlad

Chapter 9: Vlad

Author's Note: I do not own anything in the VHD, Rurouni Kenshin, Harry Potter, Evil Dead, or Final Fantasy universes. They are the property of their respective owners.

The next day the sun shone down gloriously on the Lang farm, preparing its inhabitants for another tough day of life on the Frontier. The party was gathered around the table with lots of food offered up. Ron and Ash dug into their food asking for another helping. D, as was his habit, ate a little and then left to take his real sustenance. After the meal Dan led them to the stables where he had several cyborg horses.

"These horses are custom models and they can achieve speeds of 70 miles an hour." Dan said, handing the reins over to Ash. He instantly got on and took it out on a test run. It was better than Cloud's Fenrir! Soon D came out and chose the only black horse from Dan's stock. Bidding their farewells to Dan, the party left and headed north. Ash rode up to D, who was keeping his eyes on the trail ahead.

"Where are we going?" Ash asked.

"A town called Gray Tower. I have a client there." The hunter responded in his usual cold tone.

"Now hold on a second! I thought we were going to try and find a way back to our world, not help you do your damn job!" Ash yelled, his face turning red.

"Don't worry." D said. Then he stopped and listened attentively. "There's a group of bandits a few miles ahead." Then he dismounted. The rest of the party did the same. A cloud of smoke soon appeared and a group of men on horseback rode into view. There were 12 of them and each one carried a gun. They drew their weapons and started firing. D, Kenshin and Cloud blocked the bullets with their swords, while the teenagers cast a protective bubble around the rest of the party. Before the party could go towards the bandits a cry was heard among them and then their flesh started to sizzle off their bones. Soon each man was a pile of steaming guts and bone. Above them a mighty roar was heard and 4 huge creatures soared into view. Each one had a wingspan of 60 feet and on their beaks they had a large cone shape. Instantly flashes of light raced from above towards the group. D and Kenshin leapt up into the air, dodging the blasts as they went.

Down on the ground, Ash, Tifa, Cloud, Vincent and the Trio had all bunched together under the bubble charm. Kenshin drove his blade hilt deep into the neck of one of the monsters and it started to crash towards the ground. Just before it landed, Kenshin ran vertically up its body towards its tail and leapt in front of another creature. It opened its maw wide to swallow the rurouni when it was struck nine times in an instant. Kenshin landed safely on the ground, using the corpse of the first creature as a cushion. D landed beside him a few moments later. The rest of the group's jaws would have hit the ground if they could have reached it. Ash, as usual was the first one who spoke.

"Hey Kenshin, where in the hell did you learn those moves?" He asked. Kenshin was about to respond when D cut in.

"That was Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, an ancient style that pits one against many. Impressive, just what I'd expect from the former Hitokiri Battosai." D said, cleaning his blade and returning it to its sheath.

"How do you know about me?" Kenshin asked.

"I remember reading about you from my history lessons. What I read said you were the greatest human swordsman, besides your master." D then turned towards the rest of the party. "We'll rest here for a few hours. Don't wander off, if you do you'll die." D then took out a minicomputer from his saddlebags and started poring over the information he had received. Ash was pissed off again.

"Damn pretty boy! Thinks we can't take care of ourselves!" he said indignantly. Kenshin turned towards him.

"Well Ash, it is his world and he knows how to survive in it. This one would listen to what he had to say." Kenshin said. "To pass the time and since you've told me where you came from, I'll tell you my story." Kenshin's hand reached towards the scar on his face as he started to talk.

_Several hours later…_

The group was silent after Kenshin finished his tale. Hermione and Tifa had tears in their eyes while Cloud, D, and Vincent gave him sympathetic looks. All the men present knew what it was like to lose someone they cared for that deeply. Kenshin smiled sadly at the group.

"Don't worry, this one has moved on. I've found happiness with Kaoru-dono." The rurouni said. D then looked up from his research.

"Leave those ideals of not killing behind here." Then he mounted his horse and rode off. The rest of the party followed. After riding for a few more hours they came upon the town. Grey Tower lived up to its name as the party saw a huge tower rising out of the earth like an enflamed wound. D led the party up to a gate heavily guarded by tough looking men. They glared at the newcomers but their glares turned to ones of confusion when they spied D.

"I'm D, the Hunter. I have some companions with me. Can we proceed?" D said. The guards nodded and let the group pass through. D wound his way though the narrow streets until he came to a massive hotel. Putting their horses in the nearby stables the group went inside for lodging. D turned towards the group after he had secured their rooms. "Don't leave the city and stick to largely populated areas. A vampire is among the populace here, one I've been trying to find for a very long time. And above all, do not go out at night." Then D left to meet with his client. Harry, Ron, Ash, and Hermione went to go see the town. Tifa, Cloud, and Vincent stayed behind. Kenshin was in his room, contemplating what had happened over the past couple of days.

Hermione was very curious about the inhabitants of this town. Every person she met on the street either glared at her or simply ignored her entirely. Ron was hungry, going for several hours without food was not part of his genetic makeup but he could tough it out when he was around Hermione. Harry was just glad that the fighting had ceased for the moment and that he was in the company of his friends. Ash was bored, but he stayed with the teenagers, sure they could get on his nerves sometimes but they really weren't that bad. Stopping the others he pointed towards a saloon.

"I don't know about you guys, but I need something to wet my whistle." Then he went into the saloon, followed by Harry and Ron. Hermione was about to follow them when someone called out to her.

"Excuse me, miss?" The voice said in a friendly tone. Hermione turned towards the source of the melodious voice and saw D. Or at least, he looked like D only a few years older. He had long black hair that shielded his face from the sun and his skin was also pale. His lips were the color of blood and his eyes were dark and spoke of great strength. For an instant Hermione thought the eyes turned red. It wasn't the same shade red as Vincent's eyes; these orbs she saw for a split second were glowing and roiling like a great flame. They seemed to be able to pierce right through the young witch and reveal everything about her. His very glance seemed to stir something deep within her, a primal lust that lay locked within the soul of every human. Shaking her head Hermione addressed the strange figure in black.

"Who are you?" The man bowed deeply in a manner that seemed medieval.

"I'm sorry I haven't told you, allow me to introduce myself I am Vlad, a wandering traveler and I just wanted to know the name of such an angel as yourself." His eyes locked with Hermione's and she felt herself speak her name and invite him to drink with her and her comrades. He bowed again and she led him into the tavern.


	10. Chapter 10: Midnight

Chapter 10: Midnight

Author's note: I do not own anything in VHD, Harry Potter, Evil Dead, Final Fantasy, or Rurouni Kenshin.

Ash, Ron, and Harry were worried when Hermione didn't follow them in. But their fears were alleviated and curiosities piqued when she walked in with a young man. Hermione did the introductions.

"This is Vlad. Vlad, these are my friends Ron, Harry, and Ash." Vlad bowed and then singled out the barkeep.

"I'd like your finest, good sir." Then he withdrew some gold coins from his pocket. The bartender was instantly alert and had provided his best. Ash grabbed a bottle and poured some booze, and then he raised his glass.

"Thanks pal. C'mon guys, lets see if you two can hold your liquor." Then the house wares employee took two bottles and shoved them down Ron and Harry's throats. The young wizards sputtered and choked as the alcohol coursed down their gullets. Ash saw that Vlad wasn't drinking anything. "What's wrong, don't you want some of the good stuff?" Vlad smiled at the question, as if Ash had told an amusing joke.

"I don't drink wine."

Ash was satisfied with this and resumed his drinking outside. Ron and Harry were dragged along. Hermione moved next to Vlad.

"So, where do you come from?"

Vlad turned towards her and gazed into her eyes. Hermione felt an arousal rise within her, one that overpowered all other thoughts. He reached for her hand and Hermione shivered. She was like a leaf before the storm and was about to be swept away. Then Vlad moved his lips over hers. A soft moan of pleasure escaped her half parted lips.

"Beyond the forest." Vlad whispered into her ear and then resumed kissing her. It was at this moment that Ron came back from outside, where he, Ash, and Harry had been singing drunken songs. His blue eyes widened at the sight of the pair.

"Her-Hermione!?!" At his voice, Hermione jolted out of her dazed state. "Why?" Ron asked pain evident in glance. He ran from the bar, his mind in a daze after what he had seen.

"Hey Red, slow down!" Ash called after him. Ron didn't heed the voice and ran on, vanishing from Ash's vision just as the sun was sinking on the horizon, painting the sky the color of blood.

Hermione stood up to leave when Vlad appeared in front of her.

"Where are you going, fair one?" he asked, lips curled in an amused sneer.

"To Ron." She replied, trying to move past him. He merely gazed into her eyes.

"Sleep, and when you wake you shall be mine, blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, forever." Hermione's last image before she passed out was of a pair of red eyes getting closer and closer in the darkness.

Fog obscured the moon as Ash and Harry were going into the bar to find Hermione. The barkeep was nowhere to be found and the inside was dark.

"Hermione!" Harry shouted, panic in his voice. Just then Vlad appeared in front of them, seemingly made out of darkness.

"Don't bother; your voice can no longer reach her." Then Harry felt fear grip him, such as he had never felt before. He couldn't move. He could only watch as Vlad punctured Ash's chest with his bare hand and shoved him out into the night. Harry's voice returned to him.

"What are you!?" The wizard shouted. Vlad turned towards him and grabbed him by the throat. Then he squeezed and Harry felt his neck snap in two. He was thrown out into the night and died slowly, ever so slowly. Just before he entered oblivion and the light of life had left his eyes, he heard a cold voice.

"Dracula." Then the boy wizard, the "Chosen One" of prophecy, who had such dreams, such a long life before him, died an expression of fear on his corpse. Dracula grabbed his newest daughter and took her toward the direction of the tower; his tower, which the foolish humans had tried to take over during his travels, and which he took back every time he returned. _I've made the first move, it's your turn, D._ The figure in black thought, his steps fading into the night.

Ash opened his eyes and saw Tifa's face, tears flowing down. He jolted up but was stopped by a massive pain in his chest.

"Where's Harry?!" He shouted, even though he already knew the answer, he could tell from Tifa's tears. "No…no..."Ash stammered and then he started to cry and Tifa held him to her chest stroking his hair as they cried for the boy who lived.


	11. Chapter 11: Moving On

Chapter 11: Moving On

Author's Note: I do not own anything in this story. They are the property of their respective owners. Please R&R.

After they were finished with their tears, Ash and Tifa went to find the rest of the group. As soon as Ash spotted D he ran up and punched him in the face with all his strength. The dhampir flew back but didn't touch the ground. After this Ash grabbed him by the shirt and looked him in the eyes.

"You goddamn bastard!! Why didn't you warn us?" Ash said, venting his rage. D looked on as coolly as ever.

"I did but you refused to listen to me. Now are you going to yell at me or are you going to let me go so we can avenge Harry?" D said. Ash let him go and turned towards the rest of the group. He noticed Ron was missing.

"Where's Ron?"

"He's been in his room and hasn't come out since we've told him." Tifa said.

"And what will that bastard do to Hermione?" Ash asked. D answered him.

"He'll turn her into a vampire, to be his bride and servant for all eternity, if he hasn't done so already."

"How do you know so much about this particular vampire?" Ash asked and the others all glanced at D, waiting for his response.

"He's my father and he is no ordinary vampire. He is their Sacred Ancestor, the god-king of the Nobility. I haven't seen him for over 5000 years but during my travels I have had to redeem the sins he has committed. I wasn't born from a union between a loving mother and father. Rather I was the product of my father's experiments and I wasn't the only one sprung from his loins, he created millions during his lifetime. I'm the only one still alive. All the others he killed in infancy due to one small "defect": they hungered for blood. In order to stop him, it will take all our strength." D then looked at Kenshin. "You need to let go of your vow for the moment, after all we're not fighting humans." Kenshin nodded. "Now all that's left is for us to get Ron." Then the young wizard came down the stairs, determination evident in his eyes.

"No need to fetch me D, I'll avenge Harry and save Hermione." Ron said confidently. The dhampir approached the teen and looked in his eyes.

"She may already have been tempted, what then?"

"Then I'll join her in death." D nodded at the response. Then he turned towards the group.

"We're heading towards the tower; it used to be his base in this region and is where he is, most likely." He headed out the door, followed by Ash, Cloud, Tifa, and Vincent. As Ron was about to leave Kenshin stopped him.

"Even if Hermione-dono is changed, do not give up on your life. The will to live is absolutely essential and she would want you to live, remember that." Ron nodded and the two followed the rest of the group.

Hermione's eyes fluttered open but all she could see was blackness. In a few seconds her eyes adjusted and she could see the room clearly as if it was well lit. She felt her teeth with her tongue and found that her canines were sharper, like a wolf's. Tears welled in her eyes but she was horrified to find blood sliding down her pale cheeks instead of normal salt. Then a cold voice seemed to come from everywhere around her.

"Ah, my daughter is awake at last. I bid you welcome to your new existence. First, drink this." Dracula held out a vial of blood which Hermione looked at with disgust. Dracula smiled at this. "You don't yet understand, you are mine and must obey my every whim. Now _drink_." Hermione wanted to spit in his face and run away but her body betrayed her and she drank the blood. She wanted to gag but instead she calmly swallowed. Suddenly she felt her gag reflex kick in. Dracula noticed this and laughed. "Excellent!! It seems your brother isn't the only one who doesn't lust for blood, you're my second success in millennia."

"Do you mean D?"

"Yes, I made you into a dhampir like him. And now your former companions are coming with your brother to stop me." Then Dracula turned towards his newest daughter and compelled her to rise. "Now when your brother gets here you are to go greet them and lead D and the Battosai to me. The others will be removed. Not one of them will make it here, but if, by some unforseen chance the others survive, I'll take care of them. Now go, they've arrived." Once again Hermione moved against her wishes and left.

D's strides were as graceful and calm as ever as he walked towards his father's stronghold. Behind him the party trudged along, eyes alert and bodies tense. Then they reached the tower, it loomed ominously over them its base lost in some low hanging clouds. As soon as they were past the outer gate they were greeted by a figure in white. It was Hermione but she had changed. Her skin was as pale as D's and her eyes were dark, like twin windows opening into a world of darkness. Her lips were blood red and she walked with unearthly grace. Her beauty was enhanced beyond human understanding and Ash, Cloud, and Vincent were momentarily distracted. Then she spoke, her tone emotionless, just like her brother's.

"Welcome, brother. Father is waiting for you; I will guide you to him but first…" Then Hermione pressed a button and five machines whirred over head. Then each machine emitted a beam of light that hit their targets. A flash of light blinded the group and when it dissipated only Kenshin and D were left with Hermione. Kenshin approached Hermione and she recoiled, not from him specifically but from the cross on his left cheek.

"She hasn't built up the strength to resist the cross that I have. D then gazed at Hermione with sadness. "Now lead us to him…sister."


	12. Chapter 12: Duels

Chapter 12: Duels

Author's Note: I do not own anything in the story. They are the property of their respective owners.

Hermione was leading D and Kenshin through a magnificent hall with portraits on the walls. Candles provided some illumination and cast flickering shadows over everything. Just as she reached her master's doorway she heard his voice inside her mind.

_Excellent, now leave them and teleport to that mortal you care so much about. When you reach him, end his insignificant existence._ Hermione turned towards D and Kenshin.

"I can go no further. Go on brother, father is waiting, he's looking forward to your visit." And then she pressed a button in the wall causing a shimmering light to fall over her. When it went away D and Kenshin were alone. Together, the two pushed the door open.

_Elsewhere in the tower…_

Ash blinked his eyes furiously to get rid of the blinding light that had invaded his vision. Looking around, he saw he was in a narrow corridor with a door up ahead. His ears then picked up a soft moaning behind him. He turned around, boomstick up and ready, to see Tifa on the ground. He went to her and gently shook her awake.

"C'mon Tif, this is no time to be napping." Ash said. His voice made Tifa open her eyes and stand up.

"Where's Cloud?" Tifa asked, her eyes showing her concern.

"I don't know where Needle Noggin is or anyone else for that matter. All I know is that I'm getting really pissed off at all the freaking teleporting and world hopping. I hope we find something to fight so I can relieve all this damn stress." Together the two went to the door before them. Ash busted it down with one mighty kick. Inside they saw a large circular room with one person standing in the middle. The woman was young, and looked about Tifa's age. She had dirty blond hair and her eyes were blood red. That wasn't the strangest thing about this woman though. What was really odd was the fact that she was dressed in a faded police uniform and a massive artillery cannon was strapped to her back.

"You will not harm my master, mortals." The woman said with a British accent.

"Listen up, pig, I don't have time to play in your little pen here so why don't you go eat some donuts and let us through." This pissed off the vampire and she pointed her cannon at the pair.

"My name is Seras Victoria and you'll die for insulting me!" Then she fired a round from her weapon. The air was displaced from the passage of the shell. Ash and Tifa leapt to either side and crouched low to avoid the blast. Tifa then sprang up and did a lunging punch towards Seras, who saw the punch coming and blocked it with her hand. Then she squeezed tightly and Tifa felt the bones in her hand start to break. Before Seras could completely cripple her Ash was in her face and using his chainsaw to slice through her weapon. Seras used the half off her gun still remaining to slam Ash. The S-mart employee flew backwards and hit the wall, knocking the air out of him. Tifa had recovered from her pain using a potion while Ash was distracting Seras and now she started punching and kicking her all over her body. After she was finished she did a back kick that sent Seras flying into the air. Tifa leapt after her and flung her back into the ground. Then she cast a Cure spell on Ash who was wearily getting to his feet.

"Thanks, now let's send this pig to hell." Then Ash revved his chainsaw and ran towards Sera's limp form. Just as the blade was about to make contact with her flesh, Seras leapt away faster than Ash or Tifa could see. One minute she was on the ground, the next she was behind Ash and striking for his neck. Ash, sensing something behind him, ducked at the last possible moment and aimed his shotgun behind him and fired. The blast rocked Seras from her feet and took both her hands off at the wrist. Tifa then appeared in midair and landed straight on Sera's body, crushing her sternum and causing massive internal bleeding. Even with these injuries the vampire started to rise.

"I'll swallow your entrails!" She screamed in defiance. Her scream was cut off by Tifa pressing down hard on her throat. Then Tifa cast a Fire spell on Seras and the vampire started wailing like a banshee. Ash then pointed his gun right at her head.

"Swallow this." Then he pulled the trigger. Sera's head popped like a waterballoon spraying Ash and Tifa with gore. "How's your hand?" Ash asked.

"It's healed. You know we make a pretty good team." Tifa answered smiling warmly at Ash, who blushed slightly.

"Yeah, Yeah, anyway once we're done burning little miss piggy here we'll head through that door and see where it leads us." Tifa then punched Ash lightly on the shoulder.

"You're sexist."

"What? She was dressed as a cop, didn't you get the reference? Sheesh, I swear you guys need to get a sense of humor." After Seras was little more than ashes, Ash and Tifa left through the other door. There they saw a massive wall with a little ladder bolted to it. The pair looked up.

"Hope your not afraid of heights, babe." Ash said. Then the pair started climbing.

_Elsewhere…_

Cloud found himself standing before a door. Opening it, he drew his sword just as Vincent on the other side aimed his gun. As soon as the pair saw each other they sheathed their weapons.

"Any idea where the others are?" Cloud asked.

"None." Vincent replied in his usual monotone. The two men then went though the passageway Cloud had his back to. As they progressed the pair could see another door ahead. They both opened it. Three extremely beautiful women were beyond the door. All had raven hair and violet eyes that were tinged with red. Their dresses flowed about them like a river and they moved seductively towards the two friends. Before they had taken another step, Vincent had shot one in the chest with Death Penalty. The woman's face became a mask of rage and her fangs poked out of her mouth. The other two followed suit and rushed towards the men. Cloud leapt in the air, slicing down towards the head of one of the seductive women. She tried to block with her hands but Cloud just drew another sword out and sliced her head off. Vincent, meanwhile, had turned into the purple skinned demon known as Chaos. The other two women were dead in seconds, both being sliced in half and then burned by a bunch of flaming skulls. Vincent turned back to normal. Then the pair went through a door on the other side of the room. Long rows of stairs met their eyes and kept on going up and up as far as they could see. Without a sound the two men began running up the stairs.

_Back to Ash and Tifa…_

"So, I have a question for you. Is Cloud compensating for something, because, that is one really big sword." Ash asked the barmaid climbing above his head.

"Ashley, shut up! I'm not in the mood." Ash and Tifa had been climbing for what felt like hours. Ash had started telling jokes and asking stupid questions to get his mind off the monotony of just climbing up one rung after another. Finally the two had reached the top. There were some stairs that led downwards to their left but just then they heard movement coming from the stairs. They hid off to the side and saw Vincent and Cloud run up, panting heavily.

"Well, seems you've had a tough time." Ash said, smirking.

"Do you know where the others are?" Cloud asked. Just then they heard the clash of swords.

"I'm guessing where the noise is coming from." Ash said. The four went on ahead and found D and Kenshin fighting what seemed to be hundreds of ghostly figures. The four charged in and joined the fray.


	13. Chapter 13: Between Life and Death

Chapter 13: Between Life and Death

Author's note: I do not own anything in this story; they are the property of their respective owners.

Ron found himself in a large, ornate room. A huge bed lay before him and on the bed was Hermione.

"Ron…come here. Lay your head on my lap. I have such sights to show you." Hermione said, smiling seductively. Ron's feet moved against the command of his mind. He slowly approached the vision from heaven on the bed and laid down beside her. His mind was cloudy and had been so since he had made contact with Hermione's dark eyes.

"Mione…" he started to say but was cut off by her finger on his lips.

"Shh, don't talk." Then she started kissing him. The kiss was unlike any they had shared before. This kiss was a primal, savage thing that seemed to have a life of its own. Ron tried to sit up but Hermione shoved him back down with inhuman strength. Then she whispered in his ear. "This will all be over soon. I'm so sorry, darling." Then she bit his neck, leaving two gaping wounds in his throat. He started choking on his own blood. The last thing he saw before he passed out was blood pouring from Hermione's eyes and sliding down her pale cheek.

His eyes opened several hours later. He felt someone stroking his hair and looked up into Hermione's face.

"What have you done to me?" At his question more blood flowed down Hermione's face.

"I didn't want to be apart from you, I want to be with you always and now we can be together." Ron shot up and felt new energy flowing through his body. His skin was now as pale as Hermione's and his teeth were sharp and pointed.

"I thought I would be able to save you from this but I ended up in the same situation. Hey, why don't I have the urge for blood?"

"We're not full vampires. We're like D." Hermione said. Then the former humans heard Dracula's voice in their heads.

_You've failed me daughter. I thought I told you to kill him. Oh well, no matter, at least I have another success. Now come to me. We'll welcome all your friends together._

"Mione, we have to stop him."

"We can't. We're his and nothing can make us rebel against him." Then she pressed a switch and the two dhampirs were teleported to where Dracula was. The Vampire King was watching a computer screen. He turned towards the pair as they approached him. He looked at Ron and smiled.

"Don't bother trying to rebel against me. It won't happen. Better men than you have tried and they are all dead." Dracula paused and looked at both Hermione and Ron. "You're friends are really quite skilled. They killed my brides and the police girl. D and Battosai are fighting my familiars at the moment along with the rest of your comrades. Let's go join them."

D was slaughtering the familiars of his father as easily as he slaughtered humans. Kenshin was equally effective. Then a shotgun blast rang out along with a handgun. Ash, Vincent, Cloud, and Tifa had finally arrived. The rest of the familiars died in moments. D turned towards the others.

"What took you so long?"

"Shut up, pretty boy! You try fighting some damn psycho cop and then climbing a ladder for hours!"

"D could do it faster than you, Ashley." Left Hand said, speaking up for the first time in a while. Kenshin freaked out and started saying oro over and over again.

"I wondered why you hadn't shown up in a while you little bastard." Ash said to Lefty. D ignored the two and helped Kenshin calm down.

"Did you do the job I asked of you?"

"Yeah, yeah, you damn slave driver." Lefty said irritably. "Oh, just so you know your old man will be here pretty soon, along with those two kids." As soon as the words left the carbuncle's mouth Dracula moved out from the shadows followed by two familiar figures. Tifa and Ash gasped when they saw Ron next to Hermione. His eyes had become dark, effectively blotting out the sky blue they were before. But beneath the darkness the companions spied a hint of red. His freckles had also disappeared behind the pallor of his skin.

"You bastard!!" Ash yelled at Dracula. The Count only smiled.

"You're shouting at the wrong person. If you want to yell at someone, yell at her." Dracula said, indicating Hermione. "Enough talking, I've had enough of that to last me a millennia." Then a dark aura rose and licked Dracula's flesh like flames. Once they had dissipated he was dressed in a red trench coat and carrying two huge handguns. Smiling at the party he spoke in an arrogant tone. "Lowering combat status to level four." Then he sprang at the party, followed quickly by Ron and Hermione.


	14. Chapter 14: Battle Royale

Chapter 14: Battle Royale

Author's note: I do not own anything in this story. They are the property of their respective owners.

As Dracula leapt at D, he fired several shots from his handguns. D parried the bullets effortlessly and sent the blade for his head. Dracula ducked and teleported behind D. D jumped into the air and threw several wooden stakes at Dracula's heart. The Count shot all of them out of the air. Kenshin ran up to Dracula and aimed a cut for his neck. The blade connected and Dracula's head went flying. Before it had even hit the ground, a red mist flew from Dracula's body and reconnected his head.

"It seems I'll have to exert myself fully against you two. "Releasing combat status to level one." Instantly Dracula's red coat and hat vanished leaving him with a black undershirt. He then moved even faster and went towards Cloud. Cloud leapt up and aimed his sword downward, causing a crescent shaped beam of energy to fly towards the vampire king. He jumped over the beam and was about to fire at Cloud with his guns when Vincent appeared above him and aimed Death Penalty at his weapons. Both were shot out of his hands. Before anyone else could attack him, Dracula summoned a cone of darkness so black no one could see in it except D, Ron, and Hermione. The darkness was suddenly lit by the gleaming of many eyes looking at the combatants. Instantly, 20 creatures rushed at the group, their mouths slavering and snapping. D sucked the darkness into his left hand and charged the group. Kenshin and Cloud helped out slicing left and right. Pretty soon all the creatures were dead. They turned towards Dracula, who had retrieved his guns but then threw them off to the side.

"I don't need these to finish you! Lowering combat status to level zero." More dark energy engulfed Dracula's body. His clothing changed one last time and the energy disappeared. Standing before them was a being encased in black armor. A huge broadsword was in his right hand. His eyes were crimson and glowing eerily. Cloud, Vincent, and Kenshin all rushed at him. Dracula parried Cloud and Kenshin with one stroke and sliced Vincent across the chest. D ran up to him and the two started fighting with the most exquisite sword strokes. After a few moments though D was forced back and had several cuts on his body.

_Now would be the perfect time to set my plan in motion._ D mentally said to Lefty. Instantly Ron and Hermione's bodies started to spasm. Dracula turned to D with confusion in his eyes.

"What did you do to them?" D didn't respond. Just then two voices could be heard coming from Ron and Hermione, but it wasn't them speaking.

"Took you long enough, Lefty." One voice, a woman's spoke angrily.

"Now, Now, don't get so worked up." The other one, a male's, said trying to calm the woman down.

Then Ron and Hermione's left arms lifted up and faced everyone. In the palms of their hands were two faces. Both were wrinkled and had a mischievous look to them. Ash and Tifa's jaws dropped. Dracula attempted to mentally regain control of his fledglings but nothing happened. Then Ron and Hermione walked over to the party and faced Dracula.

"Now you'll pay for what you did to us." Ron and Hermione said at the same time. Ash revved his chainsaw, Cloud readied his sword, Vincent aimed his gun, Tifa got into a battle stance, Kenshin sheathed his blade and crouched down, and D stood there impassively, with his sword in his right hand.

"You're all alone now father, no more minions or familiars to help you. What will you do?"


	15. Chapter 15: Adjustments

Chapter 15: Adjusting

Author's note: I do not own anything in this story. They are the property of their respective owners.

Dracula's face twisted with rage. "It seems you all are determined to meet destruction at my hands! Fine, I'll fight you at your own level!" And then he rushed toward the party. Kenshin's eyes turned amber and he rushed forward faster than even D could move. Dracula saw the movement and parried with his sword. The air was displaced around them from the speed of Kenshin's movement. Just as Dracula was about to strike back he felt himself being pulled towards Kenshin. Kenshin turned around and aimed for Dracula's side. The blade shredded through his body and then Kenshin swung his sword upward, sending Dracula's upper half along with it. Cloud then leapt up after the body, holding his sword behind his back. Before he reached Dracula he flung his sword forward. Instantly 7 blades flew out and surrounded Dracula in a circle. Cloud glowed with a golden light and then picked up a blade and struck Dracula. He repeated this seven more times, ending with a downward strike that plummeted him back to the ground.

While Dracula was getting beat up by Cloud, Ash was chopping up Dracula's lower half. Pretty soon nothing was left of his legs or waist. "Now he's Count Gimpula. Man I wish someone could have heard me say that!" The house wares employee said, but everyone else was watching the fight. As soon as Dracula landed, Tifa started punching and kicking him with all her might. Finally she put all her energy into her fists and released it in a rush of blue energy. Dracula recovered amazingly fast and sliced Tifa with his blade. She was flung backwards by the force of the blow. Ash managed to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Thanks Ash." Tifa said. Ash just nodded and helped her to her feet. Before Dracula could come after the pair he was pinned to the wall by Vincent in his Chaos form. The great demon roared at him. Dracula teleported out of his grip and stabbed him through the side. Chaos launched several flaming skulls at Dracula and they all hit him, leaving him wounded. Vincent reverted back to normal and passed out. Tifa cast Cure on him and moved him away from the combat. D turned towards Cloud.

"Throw me your sword." Cloud obliged and D gave the sword to Ron and Hermione. "Ram this through his heart." The two nodded and ran towards Dracula, who was rising slowly. The blade rammed straight into his heart and the force from the blow pinned Dracula to the wall. D followed swiftly behind the pair and lopped Dracula's head off. Before he could regenerate D, Ron, and Hermione all held out their left hands. The dark energy that formed Dracula was sucked into those waiting maws and soon there was nothing left. Then the party felt darkness in their minds. The human members of the team were knocked out. D, Ron and Hermione gritted their teeth and tried to stand but eventually Ron and Hermione also passed out. D molded the darkness into an image of Dracula.

"I knew that wasn't the real you. Human's could barely comprehend your true form." Then D focused all his mental power on striking Dracula.

_After all these years you still continue to surprise me, D. You did well against one of my clones, even if it was a failure. Till we meet again._ Then the darkness vanished. D helped the others to their feet. Ash was the first to speak.

"Did we win?"

"No, this was just one of his clones."

"Goddamn it! Just when we think we're getting somewhere something happens to land us right on our ass!!"

"From the start it wasn't him. He programmed his clones to follow certain directives and create more dhampirs. Besides if it was really him, all of you would be dead. Be grateful." D said.

"Grateful? That bastard killed Harry! Clones or no clones! He deserves to die! But wait, I'm speaking to an ice cold bastard who wouldn't even shed a tear if his mother died!" D had had enough. Coming up to Ash he picked him up by his throat and slammed him against a wall.

"You can say whatever you like about me; I've learned to deal with all of it. But don't ever mention my mother again." D's eyes bored into Ash and the house wares employee started shaking in his boots. D released him and went up to a computer console. Finding the right button he teleported the party out of the tower. Returning to the hotel, the party stayed downstairs to see if he had any instructions. Feeling guilty, Ash went up to D to apologize.

"Listen pretty boy, I'm not usually good at this sort of thing but I'm….sorry. I'm still upset about Harry dying that's all."

"I understand. I'm sorry too." The two men shook hands and Ash went up to his room to sleep. Pretty soon the other's had all gone to bed except D, Hermione, and Ron.

"D what will we do?" Hermione said, indicating Ron and herself.

"There's nothing to be done. You're no longer human. If you had been fully turned, right now you would be back to normal but that didn't happen. You'll age for about two more years and then stop. Dhampirs only age until they're at their peak, which is about 20. Also, you won't lust for blood but you still need to get nutrients from it. I have a machine that can make some pills for you. Take 2 and you should be good for several weeks. Sunlight will hurt you for a while but after a time you should be able to get used to it." D turned to go when Ron stopped him.

"What about these bloody parasites?" Ron said, holding up his left hand.

"Those protect you from psychic attacks, heals you should you be staked through the heart, and a bunch of other things you'll have to discover on your own. Tomorrow, we'll be going to another world. Since we can never control were we'll end up, chance will have to decide if we return to your world." D then left, leaving the teens to go up to their room.

The nightmare always began the same. Cheryl was screaming that the woods were alive and that they didn't want them to leave. He tried to calm her down but then her eyes became white and she wasn't Cheryl anymore. It had Cheryl's hair and body, even her voice, but it wasn't his sister. He remembers striking the thing, dismembering it. Then his hand started to throb with pain and it moved against his will. And then Linda's head was in the vise and the chainsaw was coming down. Tears were falling from her eyes, the demon controlling her trying to stall so it could kill him. And then the worst part: the voice.

"Please Ash, don't kill me. You said you'd always protect me."

Ash started to toss and turn in his sleep. His breathing increased and his severed hand twitched to and fro. Then he started to cry in his sleep, cries of loss and of profound sorrow.

Tifa was sleeping when she heard someone crying. She tried to go back to sleep but the crying wouldn't stop. Getting up, she went into the hallway. The sound was coming from Ash's room. She considered going into his room but then her thoughts drifted to Cloud. Ever since the Geostigma incident he had been more open and friendly but had never taken their relationship farther than that. Both were content to be best friends and that was that. The crying turned into sobs. Tifa made up her mind and went into the room. Ash was tossing and turning in his bed and talking in his sleep. She listened in on his words.

"Cheryl…don't worry…Linda….sorry…killed…forgive." Tifa was right over his sleeping form when he jolted out of bed. The movement caused Tifa to fall forward onto his bed. Ash caught her without realizing it. Waking up, he gazed down at the woman in his arms.

"Tifa, what are you doing here?"

"I heard crying and I came in to check up on you." Tifa said, smiling up at him. Then she added. "I don't like seeing you hurt."

"You don't know what I've been through." Ash said, his eyes reflecting terrors beyond anything Tifa had seen. She reached out to touch his face when his hand caught hers. "What about Cloud?"

"He's more like a big brother than a lover. I've given up on him. You know, you can tell me what you went through, I'll listen."

Ash released her hand and sighed. "Alright, but this could take a while."

Tifa smiled at him again. "I have the time."


	16. Chapter 16: Separations

Chapter 16: Separations

Author's note: I own nothing in the story. Everything is the property of its respective owner.

Sunlight pierced through the window and caused Ash to open his eyes. He felt someone breathing softly next to him. Looking over he saw Tifa laying beside him and he smiled. He felt happy, something he figured he would never be again. _Even though she said she wasn't in a relationship with Cloud, I bet Needle Noggin is still going to be pissed about this. Oh well, Hail to the King, baby_! Ash raised his fist a little in a victory pump. Tifa felt the motion and woke up.

"Mmm, good morning." The barmaid said sleepily. Raising herself up, she went into her room to get dressed. Ash got up and went out into the hallway.

"Hey pal, sleep well?" Cloud said, leaning against the wall. Ash nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard his voice. The ex-Soldier got in his face. "If you hurt her, I'll kill you. Okay?" Ash nodded and gulped. "Good, see ya around Ash." Before Cloud had gone back into his room, he turned back to Ash. "Oh yeah, almost forgot, D wants us to meet him downstairs as soon as we're up." Then Cloud went down to meet with the others.

Ash knocked on Tifa's door and the barmaid came out, dressed in a white shirt and a strange kind of leather miniskirt. _Must think pure thoughts, must think pure thoughts._ Ash repeated this mantra in his head but then his mouth ran away from his control.

"It should be illegal for you to wear that skirt, babe." Ash said, inwardly cringing. Tifa smirked at him.

"I happen to like it. Did I hear Cloud talking out here?"

"Yeah, he told me we're supposed to meet pretty boy downstairs."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Then they gathered their weapons and went downstairs to find the others all waiting for them.

"Oh, did Ash have a little midnight tryst with the barmaid?" Lefty said.

"Ashley and Tifa, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." Hermione's left hand said. Ron's hand didn't comment but looked at the pair with mischievous eyes.

"Hey you little bastards, shut your mouths before I plant my foot up your non-existent asses."

"That's enough." D's cold voice said. "We're leaving this world right now." D turned towards Ron and Hermione who had their wands drawn.

"Obscura Fortuna!" They both shouted. Fog started whirling around them, but something went wrong. Two fog masses broke off and covered Ash and Tifa. Then more masses covered the rest of the group. When the fog dissipated, everyone was gone.

Ash opened his eyes. He was lying on his back and something was poking him. Ash struggled to his feet and looked around. Tifa was next to him, also getting to her feet. They were in the courtyard of a huge mansion. Something poked Ash again. He looked down. A little pink thing was poking his leg with a flipper-like hand. The thing had red sneakers on and black eyes. It was round and looked friendly. The thing met his eyes and then said in a really loud voice.

"Kirby! Kirby, Kirby!" Then the thing grabbed his gun and looked at it with curiosity. Ash tried to grab it but Kirby held on to it. The two got in a tug of war over the weapon.

"Give that back you little freak!" Then Kirby released the gun and started crying.

"Ash, why did you say that? You've hurt his feelings!" Tifa yelled and went over and hugged Kirby. Ash glowered at the little pink puffball.

"Where in the hell are we? And how do you know it's a he?" Ash said angrily. Then he heard someone approaching from the mansion doorway. There were two other weird creatures coming out to look at them. One was pink like Kirby, but the other was yellow and looked like some overgrown mouse with a weird zigzag tail. Both saw the two and ran up to them.

"Pika, Pikachu!" The mouse thing said.

"Jigglypuff!" The other said.

"We're in a world of freaky things that can only speak their names. I'm sure of it." Ash said. The other creatures ran up to Tifa and dragged Kirby away from her. The three conversed in some weird language consisting of their names. Tifa turned to Ash.

"Do you think the others are here?"

"I don't think so. We're probably the only ones here; the others most likely got sent to different worlds." Ash said.

"That means we're stuck here! How are we going to get out of this place?"

"Look on the bright side we don't have to deal with those damn hands."

"Who are you?" A voice called out. Then the speaker came into view. It was a short, slightly chubby man in overalls. He wore a red cap with the letter M on it.

"Finally a real person. I'm Ash."

"Excuse me, sir, but where are we?" Tifa asked.

"Ah, I'm a sorry; you're in the Smash mansion. Here various fighters from many dimensions gather to win fame and glory. I'm Mario." Mario said, speaking with an Italian accent.

"I'm Tifa Lockhart. Do you have somewhere we can stay?"

"Follow me." Then Mario went into the mansion.

"Great, just great, I hope they have a way we can get out of here." Ash whispered to Tifa.

"Don't worry." Tifa said. Ash nodded and the pair followed after Mario.

_Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean…_

D and Kenshin were falling towards the water. Both men flipped into a dive and hit the water. They saw a ship in the distance and swam toward it. A ladder was flung overboard and the two climbed onto the ship. It was black and had somewhat tattered sails. Instantly, men drew swords and held them towards the two.

"Put those away, lads." A slightly slurred voice spoke. Then a strange man walked towards the pair. His style of walking made the two think he was drunk but he managed to get over to them. "Now who might you two be?" Kenshin started to speak but was cut off by the strange man. "Never mind, I think you two will be great additions to my crew. Gibbs!" A man with a white beard approached the captain.

"Yes, captain?"

"Do we have any rum left?"

"Aye."

"Then bring it up."

"Who are you?" D said in his usual monotone. The captain looked offended that D had even asked the question.

"Me? Why I'm the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. Surely who've heard of me?" Both men shook their heads. Jack stood there with mouth agape. Composing himself, he spied a bottle of rum. "Drink up me hearties, yo ho!" D and Kenshin looked at each other warily.


	17. Chapter 17: Of Smashers, Pirates, and

Chapter 17: Of Smashers, Pirates, and Humanoid Typhoons

Author's note: I do not own anything in this story. The characters, weapons, and everything else belong to their respective owners.

_On a desert planet…_

Ron, Hermione, Cloud, and Vincent found themselves standing in a town square. The buildings were made out of limestone or something similar. The sun beat down harshly on the companions but Ron and Hermione were feeling the worst. The party spied a tavern and they ran inside. The patrons of the bar all glared at the strange group. Just then another person burst into the tavern.

"It's horrible! That fiend Vash the Stampede is here!" The patrons instantly ran out of the bar, leaving the companions alone.

"What was that about?" Hermione asked. The rest of the group shrugged. Then they heard someone singing outside.

"Total slaughter, Total slaughter, I won't leave a single man alive. La de da dud, a river of blood, let's begin the killing time." The person singing the terrible lyrics didn't sound like a killer, in fact he sang in a peaceful sort of way. Then the singer came into the bar. He was dressed in a red coat and had yellow sunglasses on that slid down his nose. His eyes were very green and he had blond hair, spiked up. "Hey kind people, I'm really thirsty, do you have anything to drink, or maybe some doughnuts?"

"Who are you?" Vincent asked.

"I am known as…Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III, please don't hesitate to call." The party members looked at each other warily.

_At the Smasher's Mansion…_

Tifa and Ash were led to a huge bedroom. Mario turned towards the pair.

"You can sleep in here. Oh, one more thing, Master Hand wants to meet you."

"Master Hand?" Ash said. "What's his deal?"

"He's the ruler of this place. He's the one who summoned us here to fight." Just then a huge, white gloved hand floated into the room.

"Greetings, I am… but then Ash cut in.

"Let me guess, Master Hand, or is it I really don't give a damn who you are?" Ash said, visibly angry.

"Ash, calm down." Tifa said.

"Anyway, you need to leave here am I correct?" The two nodded. "Well the only way to do that is to fight. You must go through 10 fights and after that you will be able to go. If you lose though, you have to stay here for a year. And don't worry, you won't die in these fights, you just get knocked out. Your first match begins tomorrow. Get a good night's sleep." Then Master Hand disappeared in a flash of light. Mario left after wishing them goodnight.

Ash turned towards Tifa.

"Well, looks like we're in another great situation. Oh, well give me some sugar baby." Then Ash kissed Tifa passionately. Tifa broke off first.

"Don't ever use that corny line on me again."

"C'mon, that's a classic."

"No, Ashley, it's annoying. Now lay down and for one night, don't talk." Then Tifa shoved Ash onto the bed. In the next room, Kirby was sleeping when he was woken up by some loud moaning and bumps coming from the next room. He got up and looked into the room. What he saw caused his poor little brain to fry on the spot and he passed out.

The next day, the two lovers woke up and glanced at each other.

"I hope no one heard us." Ash said. Getting dressed and armed the pair went downstairs, not noticing Kirby, passed out in the hallway. Mario was waiting for them.

"Good a-morning, now I will explain the rules. Each fight is going to be two on two or two on one. Both of you will be fighting as a team and face other teams or one powerful opponent. Each match is a one knockout fight to the finish. Helpful items will drop onto the arena now and then. Any questions?"

"What kind of items will they be?" Ash asked.

"You'll have to find out for yourself."

"Now listen here you chubby little stereotype… Ash was cut off by Tifa elbowing him in the ribs. He sighed and the two were led to a glowing portal.

"This is the entrance to the first arena. Good luck, your first opponents are really tough." The pair then walked into the glowing light. After the brightness faded they found themselves standing on circular panels above a stadium. The panels disappeared after a few seconds and the pair landed on the ground feet first. Then two other panels appeared in the air. Mario was on one of them along with another person who looked like Mario except he was taller and dressed in green.

"First opponents are tough my ass!" Ash yelled at the pair.

"This is my brother Luigi and you'll pay for being so rude!" Mario yelled back. Then the fight began with Mario running towards Ash, who revved his chainsaw.

"You're about to be even shorter, pal." Ash swung the blade but Mario just jumped over his head. He then did some weird uppercut that connected with Ash's chin. It sent him flying up into the air followed by a weird noise. Ash hit the ground hard. "Anyone get the number on that bus?" Then he whipped out his boomstick and fired at Mario. The bullets hit him but the plumber just shook them off. "Just my luck, I have to fight another freak." Meanwhile Tifa and Luigi were trying to land blows on each other but each one was blocked. Then Tifa spied a huge black hammer being dropped onto the arena behind her. She ran up and grabbed it. Suddenly her arms were forced up and down swinging the hammer relentlessly. She had no control over it. The fighter ran towards Luigi, who was trying to run away. The hammer pounded on his head and sent him flying off the arena.

"Ash help!" Tifa said, running towards Ash and Mario.

"Just stop swinging the thing!"

"I can't!" But just as the words were out of her mouth the hammer vanished. Ash was using his chainsaw to block a fireball thrown at him by Mario. Mario tried to jump over Ash's head again.

"Hey babe, give me a boost." Ash said. Tifa, sensing what he had in mind, ran behind him and threw him into the air to intercept Mario. Ash's fist connected solidly with the plumbers face. Instantly Mario was sent flying off the edge. Before he was flung into oblivion and knocked out though he jumped in midair and grabbed the edge of the stage. Ash ran up and saw the plumber's finger hanging on the edge. "Sorry buddy, this will hurt you a lot more than it will hurt me." Then he stomped on Mario's fingers causing him to fall off the arena.

"You can't do this. It's a-me, Mario!" The plumber screamed as he vanished from sight.

"Well, that's one pair of opponents gone." Ash said. Then he looked at Tifa. "You alright?" The fighter nodded.

"He got you pretty good, didn't he Ash?"

"I only let him think he did." Tifa rolled her eyes at the response.

_On the Black Pearl…_

D and Kenshin were quickly adjusting to life on the ship. At least Kenshin was. The rurouni was content cleaning the floors and wiping the railings. D on the other hand was usually in the bunks. One day Jack asked them to report to the deck.

"Alright lads, I need to test your abilities in swordsmanship, savvy?" Jack turned towards Will Turner, a young man who was one of Jack's closest friends along with his wife, Elizabeth. "Will, would you be so kind as to spar with them?" He nodded. "Good."

Turner came up to Kenshin first and drew his sword. Kenshin drew his reluctantly.

"Forgive me if you get hurt." Kenshin said. Jack signaled the fight by downing another bottle of rum. In a flash Kenshin had knocked him to the ground. The rurouni helped the young man to his feet. "Your form was excellent, but you need to work on your speed." Jack's jaw dropped, causing the rum currently in his mouth to trickle down his chin.

"Well, good job. You're next, D."

Again, Will was knocked down but this time he was unconscious. Elizabeth came up to tend to him and was about to yell at D when she got her first real look at his features. She was stunned at how attractive the dhampir was. Shaking her head she yelled at him.

"Why did you do that?"

"If he didn't want to get injured, he should have moved faster." Then the dhampir turned to Jack. "Let me see your compass."

Jack grabbed it and stuck it in one of his many pockets. D walked towards him and dropped a little of his aura.

"Maybe I wasn't clear. Let me see it." At each word D said, the captain felt his will to resist ebb. Letting out a sigh he gave it to him. D glanced at it and noticed that it didn't point north. "There's some trick to this, isn't there?" Just then the pirate on the crow's nest cried out.

"Navy ships on the port side!" D and Kenshin looked at each other.

"Alright, you dogs, get the cannons ready… he was cut off by D.

"Kenshin and I will take care of them. Just get us to a boarding position."


	18. Chapter 18: Of Ideals, Knockouts, and

Chapter 18: Of Ideals, Knockouts, and Ketchup

Author's note: I do not own anyone or anything in this story. Also please R&R and if you have any suggestions or comments please let me know.

D was calmly waiting while the Black Pearl moved into position. The Navy ships had split up. Two were going to the right of the Pearl and two on the left in a pincher formation. Cannon fire shot over head but none hit the ship. Just before impact all the balls were hit by tiny wooden needles, altering their course. As soon as the first ship threw grappling lines across, D ran over the rope and was among the enemy. Men tried to fire at the dhampir but were quickly sliced in half. Kenshin, on the opposite side, saw none of this and was knocking men out. After he had finished with the first ship, he sliced the bow and caused the ship to sink. Pirates from the Pearl would take the survivors and hold them for ransom.

D had killed all the crew in the first ship and jumped from the crows nest to the next ship. As soon as he reached the sails he slid his sword in the cloth and slid down. All the men firing up at him soon found their guns destroyed by wooden needles. Reaching the ground he butchered the rest of the crew. Soon there was only one person left living on the ship, a small boy who was holding a dagger.

"Put that away." D said.

"No! You killed my captain and my friends! Die!" The child rushed at D, who stood impassively. Just before the blade reached his body, the dhampir ducked and struck the boys ankle. The child flew up into the air and was about to hit the ground when D caught him.

"Time to sleep." As soon as D's left hand touched the child, he was out like a light. Carrying the boy over his shoulder, D ran back to the Pearl but not before scuttling both ships. Returning to the Pearl, he saw Kenshin, standing calmly treating minor injuries his enemies had received. Kenshin turned towards D.

"Did you kill all those people?" Kenshin asked his eyes narrowed in a glare.

"They came at me and I cut them down. That's all there is to it. This boy was stubborn and I don't normally kill children." D handed the child to Kenshin. Before he could leave though the rurouni spoke to him again.

"Even though they were trying to kill you, the choice of who lives and who dies is never and never will be yours to make. Yes, those men may have been evil but they were human beings first and foremost!"

"Don't judge me. You say they were human beings. Yes that's true, but I am not human. If they had wanted to live, they should have left us alone. You yourself killed hundreds of people and now _you_ preach to me about killing? There is no atonement for the likes of us. No matter how many people we save or how many good deeds we do, forgiveness is beyond us."

"You're wrong. For the longest time I thought like you, that I was damned, but then I found the answer. To live one's life and to never give up. Yes we face endless battles but as long as we continue to live and never take life we can find atonement." D didn't respond and went into the bunks, leaving Kenshin with the child. Jack was the first to respond.

"Well, I think you won that battle. Now where's the rum?" Kenshin just sighed and went back to treating injuries.

_The Smash Arena…_

Ash and Tifa were again teleported to another arena. This particular arena was a huge castle with towers and a deep gorge cutting through the middle of the land.

"Well, I wonder who lives here." Ash said, taking in the scene. Then he saw two other discs and on them there next opponents. One was a woman dressed in flowing robes. She had blond hair that shone like gold and piercing blue eyes. Her ears were pointed like an elf's. The other was wearing an orange power suit with a visor. Then they heard an announcer.

"Match 2: Ash and Tifa vs. Samus and Zelda. One round knockout. Special rules: Giant match. One Smasher from each team will be grown to 20 ft." Then a green light engulfed Tifa and Samus. When it dissipated the two were giants.

"Hey babe, how's the view?" Ash asked. Tifa started freaking out.

"Why couldn't it have been you?" Her voice was very loud now and Ash was nearly thrown to the ground because of it.

"Calm down, it's just for the match. Okay, now remember don't squish me." Tifa picked up Ash and raised him to her face. She glared at him. "I should shut up now shouldn't I?" Tifa nodded and set Ash down.

"Ready, Fight!!" the announcer said.

Ash started running towards Zelda, who started casting a spell. Blue light engulfed her and in Zelda's place was a man dressed in purple and white, looking like a ninja.

"First a weird Italian and now a cross dresser?"

"I'm still a woman!" Sheik said, throwing little needles towards Ash. One of them pierced his arm.

"You bastard! Bring it- but before Ash could finish his words he was kicked in the face and then punched relentlessly. Soon his body was a mass of bruises. Sheik was just too fast for him. Then, as Ash was flying through the air after Sheik punched him hard, he spied a little pair of bunny ears. "Here goes nothing." As soon as Ash touched the item, he felt the ears meld to his head. Then he ran towards Sheik and he could follow her movements. He ducked a pair of needles and shot her with his boomstick. Sheik leapt over the blast and tried to kick. Ash ducked and then whacked her in the face with his chainsaw. The blow sent Sheik flying off the edge of the arena. Tifa and Samus were locked arm in arm, grappling and trying to overpower one another. Ash was standing off to the side, trying not to get stepped on. "It's like a Godzilla movie." Then Ash, still wearing the bunny ears, jumped up towards a tower until he was level with Tifa. Then he jumped from the tower onto her shoulder. "You're doing great Babezilla, just keep her attention on you for a few more seconds." Tifa wanted to knock him off the arena but kept on grappling. Ash ran across Tifa's arms and got in Samus's face. "Tifa, aim for the crotch!" Ash yelled as he jumped on Samus's visor, blinding the bounty hunter. The giant fighter kicked towards the crotch area of Samus's power suit. Nothing happened. Samus's visor flipped back causing Ash to fall towards the ground. Just before he would have hit, Tifa caught him. "Hold on a second, you're a woman? Man where in the hell do you come from?" Ash said.

"Of course I'm a woman! I'm the strongest woman in space. I'll crush you."

"Listen up Darth Vader's feminine half, my girlfriend here could kick your massive ass so hard; your grandchildren will feel it!" Ash yelled. Tifa set him on the ground and started punching Samus relentlessly .The bounty hunter could only block. Tifa then roundhouse kicked Samus and knocked her to the ground. Ash ran up and placed an item he had found on her chest.

"Babe, start moving away." Ash said. Tifa backed as far as she could. Samus wearily rose to her feet but then noticed the tiny little wind up bomb slowly but surely making its way up her body.

"You… but then the ba-bomb exploded blasting the 20 foot tall bounty hunter off the arena. Tifa bent down towards Ash.

"How did you know what that item was?"

"Well, when the item is shaped like a bomb, has a windup handle, and has little legs it's kind of obvious." Then Tifa was restored to her normal height. "So, how was it being Babezilla?" Tifa didn't reply but instead looked at Ash with puppy dog eyes. "Oh, you want a kiss do you?" Just as he was about to touch her lips with his Tifa yelled at him.

"It was the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me! How would you like to be 20 ft. tall and in a prime position for everyone to see your underwear?" Ash's ears were ringing.

"I told you not to pick out that miniskirt today." Tifa then punched Ash hard on the shoulder. "That's what I love about you, honey. You don't put up with anyone's crap." Then the two were teleported to the next arena. This time the arena was a flat, metal slab about 100 feet in length. Nothing was visible on it. The two hit the ground and looked around for their opponent. Then the announcer's voice came on again.

"Match 3: Tifa and Ash vs. Pichu. Special conditions: Mini vs. Giant. Ash and Tifa will be shrunk down to 2 inches and fight."

"Now hold on a damn second!" But then the green light again engulfed the pair and the two shrunk.

"Ash, are you alright?" Tifa said, hands quickly jumping to her mouth. She sounded like she had sucked a tank of helium. Ash was holding his sides. Tifa glared at him.

"Oh, you sound just like- but then Ash stopped talking as he realized his voice was high pitched too. "I'm suing these bastards!" Then the pair felt a huge shockwave and were knocked on their rear ends. Looking up and then up again they saw a gigantic yellow blob in front of them. Huge eyes the size of parking lots spied them. Then a massive voice spoke.

"PIIICHUUU!"

"How are we going to beat this?" Ash said, loading his shotgun.

_On the desert planet…_

"C'mon quit fooling around! That's not your real name." Cloud yelled.

"Fine, since you're whining about it: I am Vash the Stampede, the legendary outlaw with the price of 60 billion double dollars on his head! Yes I am that man, observe my flowing blond locks, my awesome red coat, and my 100 percent accurate marksmanship!" Then Vash took out a massive handgun and fired several rounds into the ceiling. A black cat fell through the ceiling and landed on his face. The cat scratched him all over and then ran outside, meowing all the while.

"What is this guy?" Ron asked.

"He's something else, that's for sure." Ron's left hand said in reply. Suddenly the bar doors flung open again and 5 men entered. Each one was carrying a gun.

"Alright, we're after that bounty on your head, Vash the Stampede!" A hail of gunfire headed towards Vash, who was struck and fell towards the ground, blood flowing from his head. "We did it! Now that reward is all- the goon was cut off by Cloud's sword knocking him out. Vincent aimed and sent a fan down to strike another person. Ron and Hermione had moved with inhuman speed and knocked out the other three. Cloud went up to check on Vash's corpse. Then he smelt something.

"Is that ketchup?" Then Vash got up and laughed crazily.

"Ah, I'm alive again! That was a close one; I thought I was going to have a freaking heart attack for a second." The party all looked at Vash with disbelieving eyes.

"How did you move that fast?" Vincent asked.

"I train and meditate diligently every day." Vash said. Then he went behind the bar and found some alcohol. "Now let's party!"

_The Smash arena…_

"You know, it's kind of cute." Ash said. Tifa whacked him on the back of his head.

"Ashley, don't get distracted. It's an enemy. Now how are we going to- Tifa stopped talking when she spied a wand with a star on top of it and a ray gun. Running up to them, she threw the gun to Ash and took the wand.

"Babe, I use shotguns."

"You're going to use that gun and you're going to like it!" Tifa yelled.

"Yes, ma'am." Ash said. Tifa ran towards the giant Pokemon and whacked him on the toe with the wand.

"WAAAHHHHHH!" Pichu cried out, stopping because of the pain. Ash fired several shots at the giant's belly. Then Tifa swung the wand toward Pichu's eyes. A star shaped beam of light shot out and blinded Pichu. Ash then spied a glowing circular disc and picked it up. Tifa was on the other side of Pichu, hitting his heels.

"Hey, Tifalina, catch!" Ash threw the mine towards the fighter, who placed just behind Pichu and ran between his legs towards Ash. The baby Pokemon stepped on the mine and was shot out of the arena. Ash's minature girlfriend turned towards him.

"Stop with the stupid nicknames!" Then she grew back to normal. Ash followed several seconds later.

"C'mon, it's just how I deal with things. You beat the crap out of your problems and I use sarcasm." Tifa had calmed down now that she was normal sized.

"Fine. I'm sorry. I'm just upset about being blown up to the size of a skyscraper and then shrunk." Ash accepted the apology and the two waited for teleportation.


	19. Chapter 19: Psychics and New Destination

Chapter 19: Psychics and New Destinations

Author's note: I do not own anything or anyone in this story. They are the property of their respective owners.

Ash and Tifa were now standing beside a fountain with four platforms above their heads. Their opponent appeared. It was cat-like and taller than either Ash or Tifa. It seemed very intelligent and instead of walking, it floated.

"Match 4: Ash and Tifa vs. Mewtwo. No special features to this fight. Begin."

Mewtwo floated towards the pair. Ash ran up and fired his shotgun but the bullets didn't hit Mewtwo, instead they were sent right back towards Ash who ducked to the ground. Tifa came up behind Mewtwo and tried a jump kick to his head. The Pokemon dodged at the last second and its eyes glowed. Suddenly Tifa smiled goofily and stumbled towards Ash.

"I'm a little birdie, watch!" Then Tifa started flapping her arms like wings with Ash just looking at her like she had grown another head.

"What the hell did you do to her, Egghead?" Mewtwo's voice rang in his mind.

_Confused her. You pathetic humans are so easy to manipulate._ Tifa then sat down on the ground and started to walk on all fours.

"I'm a piggy! Oink, Oink!" Ash then picked her up and punched her on the shoulder.

"Knock it off, babe!" The fighter started bawling.

"Why'd you hit me, you ugly, stupid head?" Tifa yelled at Ash. _Alright, time to draw out the big guns._ Ash thought to himself.

"Tifa, I hate to tell you this, but that thing over there called you…fat." Tifa instantly snapped out of her confusion and glared at Mewtwo with flames coming out of her eyes. Letting out a battle cry she ran towards the Pokemon very fast. Before Mewtwo could even raise a shield the fighter had punched him 4 times in the face.

"Don't you ever call me fat! I work out everyday for 3 hours! So what if I occasionally eat a pint of ice cream!" With every word she spoke Tifa kicked or punched Mewtwo. Pretty soon the Pokemon was almost dead. Tifa finished with a massive punch that knocked Mewtwo out of the arena. Ash came up and glanced at Tifa.

"Are you okay, Tifa?" The fighter smiled at Ash.

"Yep, just needed to blow off some steam." Tifa then ran over and hugged Ash. "You're the bestest boyfriend I've ever had!" Apparently, a little of Mewtwo's confusion technique was still affecting her.

_Mental note: Never, ever, even if the entire world is going to be destroyed call Tifa fat._ Ash thought. Tifa then stopped hugging Ash and rubbed her head.

"What happened to me?"

"Well, you acted like a bird, acted like a pig, and did all this while talking like a little kid. It was really cute." Ash said. Tifa's face was beet red.

"Thanks for snapping me out of it. How did you do it?" Tifa asked. Ash smiled at her.

"I…told you that Mewtwo called you…" Ash stopped himself before he said the dreaded word.

"What?" Tifa asked.

"Never mind, oh here comes our ride." Ash said, quickly changing the subject. The pair moved on to the next arena. This time they were floating above a suburban house, with cars flying by them on the road.

"Match 5: Ash and Tifa vs. Jigglypuff. Begin." Then another opponent appeared. It was the other pink puffball. Only this time, the Pokemon had a serious look to its face. It also had a black marker by its side. As soon as they saw who their opponent was, both Ash and Tifa started laughing.

"You…gotta be kidding me? What's this thing going to do, bleed on me?" Ash said, holding his sides. Tifa was in an equal fit of hysterics. This made Jigglypuff angry and so it puffed itself up and started to sing. The melody was beautiful and relaxing. Pretty soon, Ash was out like a light, with Tifa starting to doze off. But it was useless to resist. The fighter and Ash were soon snoring very loudly. Jigglypuff approached, marker ready to use.

Tifa opened her eyes. She was standing on the edge of the arena with Ash sleeping right next to her. He had a mustache and a monocle drawn all over him with a black marker.

"Ash." Tifa said. Getting no response Tifa slapped him.

"What's that? Shotguns? Aisle 12 and remember Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart." Then he went back to sleep. Tifa was on her own. Then Jigglypuff walked up towards the pair carrying a huge laser sword. It hummed and sparks shot from the blade. Tifa then jumped over Jigglypuff and ran back towards the center of the arena. She looked around for some kind of melee weapon to use against the little puffball but she couldn't find anything. Then a big mushroom appeared above her. Jumping up, she touched it in midair. Instantly, she was 20 feet tall again. Jigglypuff started backing away when it saw the giant fighter. Tifa picked up the Pokemon, took the sword from its hands, and threw it up in the air. As soon as Jigglypuff was level, she swung and struck. Jigglypuff shot out of the atmosphere so fast it looked like a star. Tifa stomped towards Ash who was still asleep. Tifa gently raised her boyfriend to her face.

"ASH, WAKE UP!" Ash instantly jolted out of his slumber and saw that he was in the palm of his giant girlfriend.

"No, I didn't lie to you and say Mewtwo called you fat during the last round!" Ash quickly said. Tifa didn't reply and just about that time the mushroom wore off and she was back to normal. Well, as normal as an extremely pissed bartender could be at her boyfriend who only has one hand. She smiled sweetly at Ash.

"Oh, Ashley." She said, her voice sweeter than sugar.

"Yes?" Tifa then saw a hammer off to the side and ran up to it. She grabbed it and started chasing Ash all over the place.

"Don't ever lie to me again! We're supposed to trust each other! And another thing, don't ever call me fat!" Ash ran as fast as he could, praying that the two would be teleported to their next match. Nothing could be as worse as this.

_Aboard the Black Pearl…_

"I know the perfect place we can go!" Jack said to all the assembled crew.

"Where is that?" Kenshin asked.

"Tortuga." Jack said, smiling and revealing all his gold and rotted teeth.


	20. Chapter 20: Vices

Chapter 20: Vices

Author's note: I do not own anything in this story. Everything is the property of its respective owner. Takes place after POTC 3.

Kenshin looked at the pirate's haven of Tortuga with worried eyes. He had asked Jack why they needed to come here.

"Well, I figured we need a break after all the excitement we've recently had with you two. So we'll stay here for a few days and then be off with the wind at our backs."

"And what are we after?"

"Treasure, so much that we'll never run out of rum again, savvy?" Jack then walked and swayed onto the harbor where he was met by several women. "Roxanne!" Jack said warmly. The woman slapped him. The others then all did the same. "I don't know what I ever did to them." Jack said palm marks visible on his face.

Kenshin sighed heavily and went toward the nearest tavern with Jack leading the way.

_The Smasher's mansion…_

Ash and Tifa thought they had another match coming up but were instead teleported back to the mansion. Ash went up to his room, too tired to do anything. Tifa, on the other hand, went looking around the mansion. Little did she know that Jigglypuff had marked her face with a mustache. Ash had noticed but was scared to say anything, for fear of getting beat up again. Looking into a room, she saw Samus, Zelda, and another woman all talking to each other. The third lady was dressed in pink and had blond hair. She also had a crown on her head and spoke with a loud voice. The ladies hadn't noticed the fighter looking in on them.

"So, you girls got beaten by some smart aleck jerk and his ditzy girlfriend? Man that's pathetic."

"Be quiet, Peach! They're really strong. Well, the girlfriend is, Ash just chimes in with rude comments. But don't worry, we'll get them back!" Samus said, anger visible in her eyes. Just then Tifa coughed loudly, causing all of the women to look at her. Then they all jumped at Tifa and she couldn't get away. They gagged her and tied her up. Then they shoved her in a hallway closet.

"MMFFF!!" Tifa said through the gag.

"Don't bother, no one will hear you! You know we'll have to go check on that boyfriend of yours and see how faithful he really is." Samus said, removing her power suit. She was dressed in a tight fitting outfit. Zelda and Peach then got dressed in some revealing outfits. They were confident that Ash would cave in to their charms. Locking Tifa in the closet, the women then went to Ash's room to find the S Mart employee out like a light. Samus came up to Ash and leaned in close to his face.

"Oh Ash, it's time to wake up." Ash instantly woke up.

"Who in the hell are you and where's Tifa?"

Tifa banged against the closet with her body, trying to attract attention. Just then Kirby came along after just having lunch. He heard a loud banging noise coming from the closet. He hoped he didn't see anything gross. Opening the closet, he had no time to get out of the way as Tifa crashed down on him.

"Kirby, Kirby!" The pink puffball yelled. He undid the gag from Tifa's mouth.

"Kirby, could you untie me?"

"Kirby!" Kirby nodded. Running into his room, he found some scissors and cut the ropes around Tifa. The barmaid hugged him and Kirby blushed. Tifa then ran up to Ash's room.

Ash was trying to get the woman off him but she had two other hot women come in and tie him down. Two thoughts were running through his head at the moment. One involved Cloud slicing him to pieces with his sword and the other had Tifa breaking every bone in his body, slowly. "I'm sorry girl's, I already have a girlfriend and she's way hotter than you three." Tifa then barged into the room. Ash was looking at her with frightened eyes. "Tif, it's not what it looks like. They came onto me." Tifa just ran up and knocked all the women out. Kirby then barged in with a red bandanna on and fire coming out of his fists.

"Kirby!" he yelled. Tifa then turned to the little pink puffball.

"Thanks Kirby. Do you know somewhere you can take them so they don't bug us again?" Kirby nodded and then dragged the ladies out of the room.

Captain Falcon was lounging in the Jacuzzi after a tough match against Donkey Kong, when he heard screaming from a window above him. Looking up, he saw Zelda, Peach, and Samus falling into the Jacuzzi.

"Well, hello ladies. Care to join me for a swim?"

Kirby was laughing at something when Tifa saw him in the hallway.

"What's so funny?" Tifa asked. Kirby whipped out a mirror. Tifa's face turned beet red when she saw the mustache drawn on her. "Ash! Why didn't you tell me that Jigglypuff drew on me!" She ran back into the room, followed by Kirby. The fighter ran into the bathroom to take a shower.

"Hey, little buddy, untie me!" Ash yelled. Kirby ran up to him and was about to untie him, when he stopped. He saw Ash's gun in a corner of the room and ran up to it. He picked it up and pointed the barrel at Ash. Ash started freaking out. "Tifa! Help me!" Ash said, praying that Tifa would hurry up before the pink puffball figured out how to work the trigger.

_The desert planet…_

After Vash and Cloud had drunk most of the alcohol, it was nighttime. Ron and Hermione were sitting in a booth, watching the two blonds get more and more drunk.

"How are you handling it?" Ron asked.

"I've gotten used to the fact that we'll stay this way forever. Our parasites are another issue." Hermione said.

"Hey, we can here everything you say and think, you know." Hermione's left hand said angrily.

"This is what I mean. But I'm starting to like the physical attributes we've developed." Hermione continued. Vincent came up to the couple.

"I know what it's like being changed against your will into something else. Be grateful that you have each other. Look at D, that man is always alone and most likely has been his entire life. And the world he comes from, it's enough to make one lose all hope for humanity." Vash then joined in on the conversation.

"That's nonsense and do you know why, because this world is made of love and peace!"

"Love and Peace!" Cloud chimed in and the two gave the peace sign. Vincent, Ron, and Hermione just rolled their eyes at the pair. Suddenly, a woman barged into the tavern.

"Help me, please! Those horrible men have taken my child!" Vash instantly stood straight and appeared sober despite drinking 4 bottles of whiskey.

"Don't worry, we'll save your kid. Alright team, ready?" Vincent loaded his gun, Cloud drew his sword and Ron and Hermione nodded. "Then let's go and remember no killing, under any circumstances." The woman led them to a huge light bulb shaped building.

"What's this?" Hermione asked.

"It's a Plant, a remnant of our ancestor's technology who crashed onto this planet. It allows us to survive here." The woman said. Vash and the rest of the party ran into the Plant. Soon, they heard bawling and saw 6 men sitting around with a little kid tied to a chair.

"Alright, I'm going in." Vash then ran right into the room. "Hello there, do you guys have any donuts?" The leader of the gang looked at the strange man.

"Shut it, Blondie. I hear that Vash the Stampede is in this town and if he comes here we're all dead!" Then he drew his gun and aimed it at Vash's head.

"Please don't shoot me, I'm very scared." Vash was then tied up next to the kid.

"Alright, now we have two hostages. Just stay quiet and none of you will get hurt." Vash started screaming his head off.

"Help, I don't wanna die! Please, I'm too young!" While he was doing this, the rest of the party had snuck into the room. The leader of the bandits started to talk but was cut off by a gunshot. Vincent approached calmly, his gun aimed at the leaders head.

"None of you shoot him, I don't want to die!"

Then Cloud came behind him followed by Ron and Hermione. Vash got out of his bonds and grabbed the child. "Ready to go back to your mom, little guy?" The child nodded and Vash took him back to his mother. Ron and Hermione were busy tying up the bandits when Vash came back. The leader started laughing. "What's so funny, friend?" Vash asked.

"We wired this place to blow if anyone stopped us. As soon as we were caught I started the countdown. In 5 seconds, we all go boom."

"Damn! Why do these things always happen to me?" Vash yelled and then everything was covered in a white light. The reactor was starting to implode. The 6 bandits were quickly vaporized but Vash approached the light calmly. "It's okay, don't be afraid. Just relax. I know we can't stay here so send us somewhere else." Vash then reached out towards a figure in the plant reactor. It looked like a mix between a human and a moth. The light glowed brighter and pretty soon all the party members had disappeared, along with Vash.

_Tortuga…_

Vash soon found himself falling down towards a harbor. A black ship was below him and he started screaming at the top of his lungs. The rest of the group appeared next to him.

"AHHHH! Look out below!"

Vincent flew in the air carrying Cloud, while Ron and Hermione just flipped into diving positions. Vash hit the water hard and had the air knocked out of him. Then he felt very strong arms lifting him out of the water. D analyzed the gunslinger. Then Vash shot up.

"That was a close one! Thanks pal!" D didn't respond. Instead he saw Ron and Hermione approach out of the water.

"Took you long enough to get here." The hunter said. Vincent landed on the ground. Vash just stood there with a confused look on his face.

"Please tell me they have donuts in this place."

Kenshin then came towards D and greeted the rest of his friends warmly.

"Hermione-dono, Ron, Vincent, Cloud, I'm glad that you are all safe. Who is this?" Cloud started explaining what had happened on the desert planet with Vash interrupting now and then.

"D, have you found Ash or Tifa?" Hermione asked.

"No, but I have a feeling that they will show up. Luckily, the captain of the ship we're on is staying here for a few more days, so enjoy yourselves."


	21. Chapter 21: Smash Melee

Chapter 21: Smash Melee

Author's note: I don't own anything in this story. They are the property of their respective owners.

Tifa came out of the bathroom feeling relaxed. She had managed to get the markings off her face and was feeling refreshed, until she saw Kirby pointing Ash's shotgun at him.

"Tif! There you are, please get the gun out of his hands!" Ash said. Tifa approached Kirby slowly.

"Kirby put the gun down." The little pink puffball looked confused for a moment, but then dropped the weapon. Tifa then went over and untied Ash. Ash went up to Kirby and looked like he was going to really give him a peace of his mind. Instead he just smiled at him.

"Thanks for not killing me little buddy." Then he and Kirby shook hands. Just then they heard a voice on the loudspeakers.

"Ash and Tifa prepare for the next match." Then Master Hand came into their room.

"There's been a change of plan. You only have to fight two more times. If we were to keep you here any longer, you two would end up killing one of our normal fighters. That's all." Then he disappeared. Ash and Tifa got ready for battle and then went down to the teleportation portal. Going through, they found themselves on a floating arena with car's zooming down below them. Then Kirby appeared on a separate disc.

"Match 6: Ash and Tifa vs. Kirby. Begin." Kirby then inhaled and Tifa felt herself inching closer and closer to his mouth. Ash tried to grab on to her but Kirby's attack was too strong. Once Tifa was in his mouth, Kirby spit her out at Ash. The S Mart employee caught his girlfriend.

"Tifa, are you okay?" The fighter got to her feet.

"Yeah, just a little freaked out- but then her jaw dropped. Ash looked at Kirby and his jaw dropped too. Kirby now had Tifa's long hair. Also he had copied all of her martial arts skills.

"Look's like you have a mini you, babe." Ash said. Tifa didn't respond but instead ran up and started punching Kirby. The pink puffball blocked exactly like she did. Then Kirby went on the offensive. Tifa was knocked back by a roundhouse kick and nearly went off the edge of the arena. "Alright you little freak, since you wanted to see what it could do, here you go!" Then Ash pointed his shotgun at Kirby and fired. The pink puffball jumped into the air and moved right over Ash's head. Then Kirby turned into a stone block and came crashing down. Ash was sent flying off the edge of the arena. Just before he was going to be knocked out, Tifa grabbed his hand. Tifa then flung Ash back up and behind her. Kirby was running towards the defenseless Tifa when he saw Ash coming at him from above. Kirby jumped up in the air and sucked Ash into his mouth. Then he spit the S-Mart employee out at Tifa. The barmaid caught her boyfriend and the two now faced a chainsaw wielding Kirby with Ash's hair and one other noticeable feature.

"Groovy!" Kirby said, examining his new weapon.

"Hey, that's my line!" Kirby then looked at Ash with flames coming out of his eyes. The pink puffball started running towards the couple, who jumped over him. Tifa then kicked him and Ash fired his boomstick. Kirby was sent flying out of the arena. The couple relaxed. "Man, didn't know the little guy could be so tough." Ash said.

"Yeah, but now we have just one more fight and then we can leave." Just then the pair heard a voice coming from Kirby's direction.

"Groovy!" Kirby was puffing himself up and floating like a balloon back towards the arena!

"That's it! First the little thing starts poking my leg, then it takes my gun while I'm defenseless, and now it steals my lines! I've had enough!" Then Ash looked around for a weapon and spied a turtle shell. Running up to it, he picked it up and flung it at the pink puffball. Kirby was then knocked out of the arena. Tifa had a sad look on her face.

"After all he's done for us and how to we repay him? We knock him out." Ash came up and put his arm around Tifa.

"Babe, don't be sad. This place is crazy enough without you crying. And besides, it's his job. Now chin up, okay? Trust me, because I know, it doesn't help getting sad about everything, okay?" Ash said. Tifa smiled at him.

"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me Ash." Then she hugged him. They were still hugging while they were teleported out of the arena.

This last match took place on the same arena that the Pichu fight had taken place on, which meant there were no platforms or walls, just a gray slab of metal floating in an empty space.

"Final match: Ash and Tifa vs. Crazy Hand." Then a gigantic hand flew into view.

"Alright, let's get this party started!" The hand said.

"Hold on just a goddamned second! Aren't you Master Hand?"

"No, I'm Crazy Hand. The leprechaun told me, he also tells me to burn things!" Crazy Hand said and then he flew towards the couple, fingers extended to poke them off the arena. Ash and Tifa leapt over the fingers. Tifa then aimed a kick at the palm while Ash shot one of the fingers. "Oh, so it's guns, eh?" Then Crazy Hand aimed his fingers like a gun and a bullet shot out at Ash and Tifa. Tifa leapt out of the way, but it struck Ash. The S Mart employee was knocked out. Flames roiled behind Tifa's wine red eyes and she picked up Ash's shotgun. Running towards Crazy Hand, she broke one of his fingers with a punch, peppered his palm with the gun, and then finished it up with her ultimate attack. Blue energy rushed into her fists and she put everything she had into this last attack.

"My Final Heaven!!" Tifa screamed. Crazy Hand started smoking and then blew up. He managed one last crazy rant before he went away.

"Smokin! P-A-T-R, Why? Because I gotta!" Tifa ran up to Ash, who was still unconscious.

"Ash! Wake up, please!" Tifa began giving him CPR, and when that didn't work she began pounding on his heart with all of her might. Ash coughed loudly and struggled up. Tifa hugged him again, tears of joy flowing down her face.

"Sorry to scare you, Tif. But honestly, I've fought I don't know how many Deadites, my evil twin, and all the crap on this trip, did you think I would let some giant, floating hand kill me?" Then the pair was teleported out of the arena. Master Hand was waiting for them in front of a large computer.

"Just type in where you would like to go and the computer will find the world for you."

"Can it find people?" Tifa asked.

"Yes." Then Tifa went up and searched for D and the rest. Oddly, she saw the dhampir sitting in a bar, with the rest of the party around them. Another portal appeared and Ash and Tifa went in.

_Tortuga…_

Vash, Cloud, and Jack were all drunk. That's why, when they saw a blue light in the corner of the bar appear and have two people walk out, they didn't freak out. D just nodded in their direction. Kenshin smiled warmly at the pair and Ron and Hermione went up to greet them.

"So, where did you guys go?" Ron asked.

"It's a long story, Red." Ash asked.


	22. Chapter 22: Yet another world

Chapter 22: Yet another world

Author's note: I do not own anything in this story. They are the property of their respective owners. Also please R&R.

The next day, the party all assembled with Vash in tow. Jack was a little upset that his two new crewmates would be leaving him so soon but there was nothing he could do to stop them.

"Well, it's been fun lads." Then Jack took his leave, the Pearl sailing away towards more adventures. D turned towards Vash.

"Since you're now with us, can you fight?" Vash nodded. "Show me." Vash set about 50 empty glasses all around him. Then he fired his gun and had managed to ricochet a bullet that destroyed all the bottles. "Alright, you're in. Now let's leave." Before anyone took another step though, they felt Dracula once again in their minds.

_Hello again, D. I see you've managed to get yourselves back together. You and your friends are exceeding all my expectations. Let's see how you handle Hell, hmm?_ The party members passed out, except for D who just fell to one knee.

_Why are you testing us?_ D thought.

_Did you think I just started this now? I've been keeping an eye on all of you ever since you first started off on your mission to stop Voldemort. Who do you think warned Dumbledore? And now, you've destroyed that fool, Sephiroth, and one of my clones. Magnificent. But I don't think even you will survive where I'm sending you now. This will be the final test. Until we meet again._ Then D passed out.

When he opened his eyes he found himself in a city with dusk approaching. The rest of the party regained consciousness beside him.

"I've really got to go!" Vash yelled, running into the nearest building. D looked up at the neon sign that proclaimed in a garish tint the name of the shop: _Devil May Cry_.

Dante was resting with his feet popped up. Recently, business had been slow since he had defeated Mundus. Just then he heard someone approaching his shop. A blonde haired guy in a red coat ran in holding his sides.

"If you're looking for the restroom, it's in the back." Vash thanked him and ran off. Dante then sensed a very powerful aura emanating from outside. Then D walked in, followed by the rest of the party. "Well, it looks like you guys are here for one crazy party." Then he drew his guns from his sides and pointed them at D.


	23. Chapter 23: One Wild Party

Chapter 23: One Wild Party

AN: I don't own anything in this story. Everything is the property of their respective owners.

Dante started firing his pistols faster than even Vincent could. D dodged to the side and drew his sword. Dante followed him with the guns but D blocked every bullet that came his way. Ash ran up to Dante and swung his chainsaw only to have it be met with a huge broadsword Dante had drawn. Tifa came jumping over Ash and started firing off some combos but Dante dodged them all. Then D came and Dante couldn't focus on the other two, he was too busy trying to fend off D. D eventually disarmed Dante and then pierced him through his chest. Dante just calmly removed the blade like nothing happened. He raised a hand for everyone to stop.

"Alright, I may have overeacted a little bit. Sorry, it's just the last two times people have come in here, it was to fight. Mind telling me who you guys are, especially _you_." Dante said, smiling seductively at Tifa. She just rolled her eyes. Ash tightened his grip on his chainsaw.

"We're- but then Ash butted in.

"Listen up, Blue eyes, we're not from around here- but then Dante cut in.

"No, you guys have to be from here." Dante said sarcastically. "I mean I get large groups of powerful fighters in here all the time." Ash was beyond pissed and was about to introduce this guy to his boomstick but was stopped by Tifa's hand on his shoulder. He calmed down.

"Anyway, I'm D and these are my companions. We're trying to get back home but were sent here for some sort of test."

"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Dante, I hunt demons for a living." Just then Vash came running back from the restrooms.

"Ah, I'm alive again! Anyway I'm Vash and your coat is awesome!" Everyone just looked at Vash like he was nuts.

"What's up with this guy?" Dante asked.

"I don't know." D said in his usual monotone. Then Dante's phone rang.

"What?! There's a new ruler of Hell? What's his name? Shishio, eh? Sounds like a Chinese dish instead of a demon. Okay, I'll check it out." Kenshin, who had been off to the side, started when he heard that name.

"Makoto Shishio." Hermione turned towards Kenshin.

"You know this person?" Kenshin nodded.

"I fought him a year ago. He is a strong swordsman who wanted to take over Japan."

"Well, now he's taken over Hell. Do you guys want to help me?" Everyone nodded.

"Let's mosey." Cloud said.

"Groovy!" Ash exclaimed.

"Ash, please stop saying that." Tifa said, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend.

"I'll help too, for love and peace!" Vash said, drawing his gun out. "Uh, guys, there's something I've been wanting to tell you. I'm actually 130 years old." He continued, smiling nervously. The party took that in stride, after all they had with them a one handed supermarket employee, two wizard dhampirs, a dhampir, and a lab experiment.

"You're in good company, Needle Noggin." Ash said. Then he turned to Cloud. "Sorry Blondie, but Needle Noggin fits him better than you." Cloud just glared at Ash, but was stopped by Tifa glaring at him.

"How do we get to Shishio?" D asked. Dante shrugged but then the Earth rumbled and a huge fissure opened up before them. Demons started poring out in all kinds of ghastly forms. Vash, Dante, Ash, and Vincent fired at them with their guns while Cloud, Kenshin, and D used their blades. Ron, Hermione, and Tifa used Ice spells to freeze them in their place. Dante then drew his broadsword and uppercutted one demon into the air, and then he drew his pistols and filled it with lead. Pretty soon, all the enemies were dead. Dante needed no invitation and jumped in, followed quickly by Vash. The rest of the party jumped in by groups, Ron and Hermione, D and Kenshin, Vincent and Cloud, and Ash and Tifa.

Ash and Tifa found themselves in Hell's version of a forest. Bodies were impaled on trees, the victim's corpses providing eerie branches. Then they heard three voices roar out from deeper in the "woods".

_JOIN US!!!_

"Remember those Deadites I'm always talking about." Tifa nodded. "Some are up ahead." Ash led the way and the couple ventured towards the hellish voices. Once they reached the figures Ash started breaking out in a cold sweat. Only two figures were visible, but Ash knew the third Deadite was somewhere up ahead. He just had to kill the two before him, the only thing was, he had already killed them. Ash aimed his weapons but then didn't fire. "I can't do it, not again. Cheryl, Linda, it's me Ash!" The two Deadites laughed at his cries and then mocked him with their hosts' voices.

"Ashley, it's the woods. There's something in the woods, Ashley!" "Cheryl" said, fake panic in her voice.

"Ash, you said you'd always be there for me, please don't kill me again." "Linda" chimed in, tears flowing down her face. Ash lowered his weapons and was backing away when he felt a pair of arms encircle him.

"It's alright Ash, I understand. But right now, your sister and Linda's souls are suffering. Let's free them." Tifa whispered into his ear. Ash nodded and aimed his weapons at the pair again.

"Yo, she-bitches!" The two Deadites snarled at him, their faces twisting into their true forms. "Let's go!" Tifa dropped into a battle stance, ready to strike when needed. The demon's rushed towards the couple.


	24. Chapter 24: Resolutions

Chapter 24: Resolutions

AN: I do not own anything in this story. Everything is the property of its respective owner. Also, this is the final chapter. Thanks for all the reviews everyone and see you in the next story!

Ash ducked the first Deadites punch and fired his boomstick. The things head exploded in a spray of gore. The body stopped moving and Ash went to help Tifa. The fighter was having a tough time having never encountered a Deadite before and was surprised at how fast and strong it was. She aimed a kick at the thing's neck but the attack missed and then the Deadite punched her hard in the stomach. Tifa flew back and was about to hit the ground when Ash caught her. Placing her on the ground gently, he turned back towards the Deadite and ran at it. The monster jumped over his head but Ash just aimed his shotgun behind him and fired. The blast took the monsters legs off and it started crawling towards Ash. Ash revved his chainsaw and chopped the Deadite into little bits. Going over to Tifa he tried to get her to respond.

"Tifa! C'mon answer me!" Then the barmaid's eyes fluttered open.

"Did you kill them?" She asked weakly. Ash nodded and helped her up. Tifa cast Cure on herself and looked around. Just then the couple heard a voice.

"Aren't you a sweet thing." The voice said, singling out Tifa. Ash knew that voice.

"Show yourself, Bonehead!" Then Bad Ash showed up, looking just like Ash, except he had both his hands.

"Listen to yourself, you sound like a jerk!" Bad Ash said angrily. Then he started to glow with hellish energy and he changed. Where Bad Ash stood there now was a large wormlike creature with two huge red eyes. One was gouged out, but that wasn't the most disturbing thing. On both sides of the demon were thousands and thousands of heads. The thing spoke with a thunderous voice.

_JOIN US!!!_

"Ash, what is that thing?" Tifa asked, her eyes showing fear for the first time since Ash had met her.

"I call it Rotten Apple Head. It's the leader of all the Deadites and right now it's a pain in the ass." Then Ash ran towards the creature and gouged out its other eye. Thick blue blood splattered all over the S-Mart employee and he backed away. Rotten Apple Head then started firing some fireballs at the pair. The two dodged again and again, the demon never ceasing in its attack. Ash then spied a large piece of metal lying on the ground.

"Tifa, over here!" Ash yelled. The barmaid saw the jagged piece of metal and picked it up. "Alright, babe, aim for the mouth. I'll get you a clear shot." Ash then jumped in front of the demon. "You want me so bad, well here I am. Just to warn you, if you eat me I'll make sure you have a killer case of indigestion." The creature roared at Ash who signaled at Tifa to aim. "Alright, now!" Ash then ducked and the piece of metal flew into the gaping maw of the monster. Nothing happened and it was about to swallow Ash when a gurgling came from it's stomach. Then the thing exploded, knocking Ash and Tifa back and covering both in blue gore. Ash helped Tifa to her feet and looked at her with an awed expression. "What in the hell did you put in that metal?" Tifa smiled at him.

"Magic." The fighter answered him. Suddenly a pair of transparent blue figures approached the pair, emerging from the corpse of the demon. It was Cheryl and Linda. Ash stepped towards the pair nervously.

"Thank you Ashley and stop beating yourself up about us. There was nothing you could have done otherwise." Cheryl said, looking at her big brother with kindness. Ash smiled weakly.

"Anything for you, sis. Can you find peace now?" Cheryl nodded at him and then went towards the remains of the demon. More souls appeared and they formed a pillar of light shining upwards. Linda looked at Ash and Tifa.

"I'm glad you found someone else Ash." Then Linda addressed Tifa. "Take care of him, he can be very stubborn sometimes."

"I will." Linda beamed with happiness at that and then Ash felt the amulet around his neck rip off. It floated in midair, the mirror in the center reflecting his amazed expression back at him. The necklace then went around Tifa's neck and she accepted it gladly. Linda then turned to Ash.

"You take care of her too, Ash. Because if you don't I'll haunt you till the end of your days." But Linda smiled as she said those words. Ash gulped and nodded. Linda smiled at the couple again and then disappeared into the pillar of light. Ash had tears flowing down his face. Tifa hugged Ash to her and comforted him, not saying a word.

_1rst circle of Hell…_

Vincent and Cloud landed in some kind of gladiatorial arena with rotting corpses and skeletons in the bleachers. Then a massive wall of flame appeared in front of the pair and a familiar figure walked through, unsigned by the flames. Sephiroth had undergone a change since his death, his angel wing was now stripped of flesh and his eyes were now blood red. Horns grew from his forehead and his Masamune was black as night.

"Welcome to my arena." His voice had become deep and menacing. Cloud rushed towards him and the pair started fighting but pretty soon, Cloud was bleeding from a number of wounds. Vincent then turned into Chaos and flew towards Sephiroth. The madman just laughed calmly and dodged every attack. Then he ran Vincent through with his sword. Before he could finish him off Cloud ran towards him again and unleashed his Omnislash. His Buster Sword glowed with a golden light and Cloud landed 14 hits on Sephiroth. But there was no visible wound on him.

"What's wrong is that all you have?" Cloud felt fatigued and drained. He cast a Cure spell on Vincent and then passed out. Vincent's eyes opened and he changed again into Chaos but this time he was different. He looked more like himself and he carried a gun formed out of darkness. The demon fired at Sephiroth, who blocked it with his blade. Instead of the shot ricocheting though, it pierced through the blade and struck Sephiroth in the head. Black blood oozed out and Sephiroth fell to his knees. Vincent picked up Cloud's blade and approached Sephiroth calmly. The one winged angel was backing away in fear. "How is this possible?" Vincent then sliced him in half and then transformed back to normal. Going over to Cloud, he revived him.

"What happened?"

"Sephiroth's gone for good now." Vincent said. Then the pair was teleported out of the arena and into another circle of Hell.

_The 3__rd__ circle of Hell…_

Ron and Hermione found themselves in a strange mansion, made out of human skin. The pair moved cautiously from room to room but then they heard a cold voice yell out "Imperio!" The pair was then forced to move up a long flight of stairs and into a large circular ballroom. Standing in the center was Voldemort. "Ah, Potter's friends, you've changed your appearance since I last saw you. Where is Potter?"

"He's dead." Ron said calmly. Voldemort looked shocked, but it quickly faded. He pointed his wand at the pair again.

"Avada Kerdava!" Ron and Hermione merely held out their left hands. The spell flew into the maws of the parasites. Voldemort started shaking. "Imperio!" This time, Ron and Hermione stiffened and walked towards the villain. "Weasley, cast the Crucio curse on the mudblood!" Ron drew his wand and looked at Voldemort and drew his wand. Then he swiftly pointed it at the Dark Lord and cast a different spell.

"Expelliamus!" Voldemort flew back, his wand leaving his grip. Hermione then ran up and grabbed his throat.

"What are you?" Voldemort yelled. Hermione merely snapped the Dark Lord's neck in two like a twig. Just as oblivion claimed him, he heard the two cold voices say in unison.

"We're dhampirs." Then Voldemort died for a second time.

_The 4__th__ circle…_

Vash was walking among corpses his normally cheerful expression replaced by a grief filled one. Then he heard a voice ringing in his head.

_Do you like what I've done with the place, Vash the Stampede?_ Vash whirled around and looked for the source of the voice.

"Legato, show yourself!" A man then appeared dressed in white. He was a very handsome young man with blue hair and a lithe build. His eyes though were truly frightening, a pale gold color that did little to conceal the aura of death this man exuded, even relished in. A human skull was on his right shoulder attached to his armor and he also had spikes shooting out of his left shoulder.

"I always knew you would end up here, Vash. You've committed so many sins in your life it's enough to sap one's tears. No matter whom you meet, the people in your life die- but then he was cut off by Vash's gun in his face. Legato merely smiled and snapped his fingers. "I see you still live in your idealistic dream world." Vash's gun broke off and a cylinder started spinning within it. Then Vash's arm changed into something resembling an angel's wing.

"You want death so badly, Legato? Well here it is!" Vash then released all the energy from the weapon at Legato. The psychic nihilist was soon nothing more than ashes and the entire area he was in as well. Vash's arms returned to normal and he started crying. "Forgive me, Rem." He said sadly, not caring when he was teleported away.

_The 9__th__ circle…_

Kenshin and D found themselves before a vast throne room with flames dancing all around them. A lone figure was seated on the throne before them and Kenshin glared at it.

"Makoto Shishio." The new ruler of hell smiled at his name.

"Battosai, at last." Then Shishio shifted his attention on D. "And you've brought another weakling for me to feast on." Kenshin then rushed towards Shishio, who merely teleported behind the rurouni. Shishio was about to laugh until he saw D's blade slicing towards him. Quickly he drew his sword and blocked the blow. Then Shishio shot flames from his mouth in order to distract and burn D. The flames then went straight towards D's left hand. Shishio then leapt back eyes gleaming. "Unlike Battosai, you're strong. Why don't you join me?"

"I decline." He was about to rush towards Shishio when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Kenshin was stopping him, but there was something different about him. His eyes were amber and he had a fierce expression.

"Makoto Shishio, we've no time to talk, strike then so I can kill you."

"I'll burn you to ashes with my Kazaguchi." Kenshin crouched a little, with his sword in its sheath.

"You can use whatever skills you wish, however when I say I'll kill you, you will end up dead." Then he moved faster than D could follow and struck. The blade was parried and then Shishio's sword became engulfed in flame from the hilt to the tip. But he was being drawn towards the rurouni and had forgotten that the final attack of Kenshin's sword style involved two steps. Completing his spin, Kenshin slammed the blade into Shishio's side and the force of the blow ripped him in half, causing blood to rain down onto Battosai. Shishio started to crawl away when he felt a blade against his neck. Battosai then struck him nine times in one moment and killed him.

Then the pair heard a calm voice.

"Excellent, you've saved me the trouble of killing him myself." Stepping out from the shadows came a man who looked exactly like Dante except he was dressed in a blue trench coat and had a katana. Dante was dragged along behind him, unconscious. He flung the demon hunter at the pair and D caught him.

"And you are?" D asked, drawing his blade.

"Vergil. Dante's twin but unlike that fool, I desire power. Fortunately you and all your friends have made it possible for me to gain the ultimate amount." Then souls started flying towards Vergil, among them Sephiroth's and Voldemort's. Finally Shishio's soul went screaming into Vergil. Just then the entire party was teleported besides D and Kenshin.

"Where in the hell- Ash started but was cut off by D.

"He's the enemy. Just kill him." Vergil then started to glow and his skin turned pitch black. Gigantic wings sprouted from his shoulders and he gained muscle. His eyes glowed red and horns sprouted from his forehead. His katana became scythe like and blood red. Vincent and Vash started firing at him, while D revived Dante. The bullets had no effect on Vergil. Dante took one look at Vergil and then transformed into a blue demon with electricity shooting out of his eyes. Dante took to the air and struck with lightning bolts but again, Vergil shrugged them off and sent Dante crashing to the ground with a fireball, unconscious. D rushed in and pierced the monster's stomach, but he was punched back and the blade stayed in his chest. Ash ran up shooting his shotgun. Vergil was annoyed with him and ran him through with his blade. He flew back, blood trailing from a deep wound in his chest. Tifa caught him and lowered him to the ground. Kenshin and Cloud then ran up to him and used their ultimate techniques but they didn't work on Vergil. He knocked them out with one blow. Finally Vash powered up his angel arm to the fullest power level and fired. A huge cone of blue white energy engulfed Vergil and kept hitting him. Once the beam stopped, Vergil had one tiny hole in him. Vash passed out due to energy loss.

Vincent turned into his ultimate Chaos form and fired bolts of black energy at Vergil but the devil merely blocked the magic with his blade. Vincent was then grabbed in a telekinetic grip and was slammed into the ground again and again. Vergil grew tired of that and flung his unconscious form back towards the others. Ron and Hermione cast all the spells they knew and still nothing hurt Vergil. Then the two dhampirs were sent reeling back from a mighty punch and were knocked out. Tifa then came up with flames in her eyes and began a massive combo but every move was dodged. Finally she used My Final Heaven but even that failed. She was picked up by her neck and thrown away. She hit the ground hard and passed out. Only D was left, unarmed, facing the devil.

The dhampir's eyes turned blood red and his fangs lengthened. An aura of darkness covered D and blocked every single spell Vergil fired at it. Then D approached calmly, not in a rage, just walking steadily towards Vergil. The demon tried to psychically crush D but was sent reeling by a counterattack. Then Vergil used his sword but D caught the blade barehanded and it wouldn't budge, even with Vergil's demonic strength. D then grabbed his sword sticking out of Vergil's stomach. Then he glared at Vergil and spoke in a deep growl.

"Show me your throat." Vergil was compelled to lower his neck towards D. He felt the fangs puncture his neck and his soul, along with his borrowed powers were sucked out of him along with his blood. After D was finished, Vergil was back to normal. Fear shone in his eyes and D then sliced him in half, the dhampir reverting back to normal. After Vergil was in half, D punctured his heart and chopped the rest of him into pieces making it impossible for him to regenerate. Once that was done, he held out his left hand. A portal then appeared and D picked up his fallen friends and took them through.

Ash opened his eyes and found himself lying on a soft bed. It seemed familiar but he couldn't place where he had seen it. He heard soft breathing next to him and felt arms encircling him in an embrace. Tifa was next to him, a smile on her gorgeous face.

"You're finally awake."

"Where are we?" His question was answered when D along with Dumbledore walked up to their bed. "Gramps, long time no see."

"A pleasure as always, Mr. Willams. The rest of your friends are up and about, fully healed."

"I'm sorry about Harry, Gramps. I tried to save him but… then Dumbledore cut in.

"No need to apologize, Ash. Harry died bravely and there was nothing you could have done."

After this meeting Ash and Tifa left to see the rest of the group. Everyone was glad they were alright. They talked all day and night and were still celebrating when the sun came up. Vash, Cloud, Ash, Dante, and Tifa had gotten some very strong fire whisky and were passed out all over. Kenshin and Vincent just sighed at the happy drunks. Ron, D, and Hermione refused the alcohol but enjoyed the company. Dumbledore then came the next afternoon.

"I'm ready to send all of you back to your original worlds." Dante and Vash were the first to go.

"Thanks for your help, guys." Then Dante went into the portal. Vash turned towards the group and flashed the peace sign.

"Remember, this universe is made of…Love and Peace." The rest of the party flashed the peace sign.

"Love and Peace!!" They shouted. D and Vincent's faces had gone beet red but no one noticed. Then Vash went into the portal laughing crazily.

"I still don't get that guy." Lefty said. The rest of the party agreed. Dumbledore then turned towards Kenshin, who nodded. D came up to him and shook his hand firmly.

"Thank you for all your help."

"This one was glad to aid you all in your time of need. But I'm just worried how Kaoru-dono and the rest are handling this one's absence."

"No need to worry about that. I'm sending you back 2 minutes after you had left with the group so no one will know you had been gone." Dumbledore said. Tifa and Hermione came up and hugged Kenshin.

"Oro?" The rurouni said, after being hugged so fiercely. Blushing, he thanked them and went into the portal. D then came up to the portal, he was about ready to go in when he was stopped by Ash.

"Now just hold on a second, pretty boy. You've saved us more times than I can count on this trip and now you're going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"Ashley, Doe Eyes here isn't like that, if you haven't figured that out yet already, you must be dumber than you look." Lefty said. Ash was about to really lay it into the carbuncle when Tifa cut in.

"Shut the hell up you little bastard!" The fighter then blushed at having used such language.

"What she said." Ash told the carbuncle. D then sighed and looked at the rest of the group.

"I'll never forget any of you. Don't forget what I told you two." D said addressing Ron and Hermione. D then went into the portal, a huge smile on his face for the first time.

"Never thought I'd live to see that happen." Ash said and then he turned towards Ron and Hermione. "And what did he mean about you two forgetting something?"

"We just made a promise with D, that's all." Ron said. Dumbledore then came up to Ash.

"Are you ready to go, Mr. Willams?" Ash just looked at Dumbledore like he was crazy.

"Gramps, I'm going with Tifa. Do you think I'd go back home after meeting her?" Dumbledore nodded at this. "What? No if you go with her you'll disrupt the fabric of space time crap? No you can't be together bullshit?" Ash said.

"None. Besides, I think the universe can survive one S-Mart employee leaving his own world to live in another." Ash smiled at that.

Dumbledore then removed the portal to Dearborn, Michigan and opened another to Gaia. Vincent and Cloud went in after saying goodbye to everyone, Vincent blushing after Hermione had hugged him. Ash and Tifa turned towards the two dhampirs.

"Well, Shorty and Red, it's been fun. You two watch each other's backs now and don't take crap from anyone." The two hugged Ash. "Hey, that's enough of that." But he didn't shove them away.

"You too Ash, and remember think before you fire your gun." Hermione said.

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm glad I met all of you and don't worry, I'll make sure Ash stays out of trouble." Tifa said. Then the couple went into the portal and out of Ron and Hermione's lives.

_One year later…_

Reno walked into Seventh Heaven with a huge smile on his face. Walking up to the bar, he saw Tifa making a drink, her back facing Reno. It had been two whole years since he'd seen her last, during the Geostigma incident.

"Hey baby, why don't you turn around and let me take you on a date." Tifa turned around and Reno noticed her round belly. What he didn't notice was the wedding ring on her hand. Then Reno said the dumbest thing he had ever said. "Man, Tifa, you really got fat, why did you let yourself go?" Tifa's eyes flashed angrily at the idiotic Turk but calmed down after seeing someone walking behind Reno. Reno then twirled around and was staring down the barrel of a sawed off shotgun. It wasn't Vincent, in fact Reno didn't know this guy at all. He was taller than Reno and had dark hair and his eyes were a muddy brown. They were now glaring at the redhead, making him afraid. He had a chainsaw where his right hand should have been.

"Alright Ginger, you've insulted my wife and you know what that means?" Ash said, grinning at Reno.

"What?"

"Hey Cid, we have another guy who wants a tour of the Highwind!" Ash yelled. The pilot came out pissed.

"Alright, hold your goddamn horses!" Cid then knocked Reno out and carried him to his airship. Ash went up to Tifa.

"You alright, honey?" Tifa nodded.

"It's just I really am fat!" She said, tears falling down her face.

"No, it's just the twins, you are eating for three you know." Ash said, hugging his wife.

"Thanks, Ash what would I ever do without you?"

"You would have killed one of these yahoos that come in here and call you fat." Tifa laughed at that. Soon, Reno's screams could be heard outside. The redhead was being held outside the Highwind which was hovering 150 feet in the air.

_The Frontier…_

D rode like the wind and came to a lonely plain in the middle of the Frontier. A portal soon opened and two figures emerged.

"Are you sure you want to join me? I live a dangerous life." D said to the two.

"Of course, D. We've said our goodbyes and we have each other. That's all we need." Hermione said, getting on one of the horses D brought for her. Ron got on the other.

"I have one very important rule when you're with me: Always follow my orders. That's all." Then the three dhampirs rode together, away from the sunset.

_A couple months later on Gaia…_

Tifa had the camcorder out and was recording her two children.

"Come quick, guys, I think they're going to say their first words!" The barmaid yelled. Ash ran in, followed by the rest of Avalanche and Marlene and Denzel. Tifa handed the camera to Cloud and knelt down in front of her daughter. Ash knelt down beside her, looking at his son.

"C'mon, Cheryl, saw mama! C'mon!"

"Alright Harry, say Dad, please!" Ash said. Both twins looked up at their parents with their wine red eyes and said at the same time.

"Groovy!"

Tifa looked over at Ash, who had a sheepish smile on his features.

"Ashley." Tifa said calmly, her eyes flaring up at Ash who picked up his son and looked very happy.

"C'mon, Tif, it's cute." Tifa picked up Cheryl and went up to him. She sighed heavily.

"There's nothing we can do about it now I suppose." Yuffie and Cloud were giggling when they heard the twin's first word. Soon the couple focused on Yuffie and Cloud.

Tifa set Cheryl down in her crib. Harry soon went in beside his sister.

"Cid, can I borrow your spear?" Ash asked the pilot.

"Don't break it." The pilot said, blowing a puff of smoke out into the hallway.

Husband and wife turned towards Yuffie and Cloud, who had started backing away when they saw the two approaching.

"Don't get all worked up guys. It's funny!" Cloud said, trying to calm the two down. He failed. Cloud ran out of the room with Ash in hot pursuit.

"Blondie, don't you ever laugh at my kids again!" Ash yelled, poking Cloud in the butt and eliciting a high pitched scream of pain. Tifa approached Yuffie, the ninja running into Vincent's arms.

"Vinnie, help me!" Yuffie asked her husband. Vincent looked at his wife and shook his head.

"Sorry, dear, but you shouldn't laugh at other people's kids." Tifa then chased Yuffie out of the room, the ninja girl's yells being interrupted by Tifa hitting her lightly. The rest of Avalanche laughed as they watched the husband and wife chase Cloud and Yuffie all over Seventh Heaven. Harry and Cheryl joined in, smiles on their cherubic faces.

Later that night, Ash lay awake in bed, thinking of everything that had happened in his life. Tifa was beside him, snuggling into his chest.

"I don't deserve you, Tif." Ash whispered to his wife. She woke up and smiled at him.

"Of course you do, Ash." Ash smiled and Tifa then kissed him passionately on the lips. "Hail to the queen, baby." She said, Ash nodded at her and he drifted off into a calm sleep, his dreams filled with his wife and children, instead of nightmares.


End file.
